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Rock Bottom again!!!!!!!
Hi All,

My name is Mark and I am a compulsive gambler. I am 30 years old and been gambling on and off for about 18 years. It began at school with very small amounts of money but with every year I age the sums of money have grown and found my self in huge difficulty.

I first hit what I thought was "rock bottom" around 6.5 years ago. I had gambled away all my money, got myself into huge amount of debts spread across 3 credit cards, defrauded my employers, stolen from strangers and created such a huge web of lives to anyone that crossed my path that I had totally lost sight of reality! Rather then come clean I hated my life so much stole a box of 100 neurofen (as I didnt have the money to pay for them) and was found some time later in my car slumped across the wheel, covered in sick , having swallowed over 70 of the pills.

From that point on I was forced to come clean about my gambling history, entered the GA programme and relatively quickly began to rebuild my life. I was clean from gambling, got a good job, began to earn a good wage and was steadily paying off my debts. Within a year I met a girl, we eventually got engaged, married, I set up my own business and we had a daughter who is now 13 months old.

Unfortuanately a year ago my business took a severe turn for the worse and very quickly I was struggling to pay the bills and live the life to which I and my family had become accustomed. Reaching the crossroads, I could have turned left and told my wife of the financial difficulties we were about to face but i chose to turn right and gamble again.

Well since that day the consequences have been nothing short of catastrophic for me and my entire family!!! Last Friday I hit my new "rock bottom" and had to come clean to my wife and family about the state of my affairs. This time round in the space of a year I had blown all our savings, racked up huge credit card bills, spent money in my wife's account, obtained a loan in her name that had gone on gambling and as of next month will become bankrupt so our house will be lost! My wife has understandably left me and moved back in with her parents. I am back with my parents and not been able to make any contact with my wife or daughter to date.

I have known for some time that eventually things would get so bad and if it wasn't for my daughter then I absolutely would have taken the easy way out a long time ago and overdosed the right way of paracetamol.

I have found a place called Gordon House this week that is a residential rehab unit that treats and ONLY treats gambling addiction. I have applied already and hope to get accepted very soon into the programme. In the mean time i am attending GA groups and trying to take each day as it comes.

I have no idea what the future holds for me. I HAVE to believe that i can recover from this if not for me then for my daughters sake. at the time of my last rock bottom I managed to stay clean for over 4 years. I can only hope ot learn form my previous mistakes and hope that Gordon House will teach me some new tools to be able to arrest my addiction forever.

I have read many stories on here this afternoon and I am in no position to offer advice to anyone but I hope that any gamblers reading this will find the courage to come clean sooner rather then later as gambling addiction can only ever have one ending and that is ALWAYS BADLY!!

I have a very long road ahead. I am determined to help myself get better so I can eventually start to lead a worthwhile life again and be able to support my wife and daughter regardless of whether or not we can ever reconciliate our relationship.

Al the best and please take some strength from my story.

hiya,mark.just read your story sounds devastating,but reading trough the lines there are so many positives,you are trying once again to gain control,youve laid bare your gambling and are willing to give it another try by staying off.i wish you every success mate,espically with gorden house,you are a brave man,and i know you can stay strong,god <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt="Smile" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile -->
Well the good news is that I got a call from Gordon House today to say I could start on 12th April.

Unfortunately i have still not been able to get in contact with my wife and therefore not seen my daughter so I just hope that she will relent and let me see her before I start rehab as once I start there I will not be allowed any contact for the first 4 months which I am gonna find really difficult!!

April 12th cant come soon enough as until then I am living with my parents with nothing to do other then wait for rehab to start. I really feel like the 12th is gonna be the first day of the rest of my life.
Hi Mark

I'm a compulsive gambler

1) It's a devasting story - I have a 3 year old little girl and you must be going through such turmoil and guilt. will do it - I know you will.
hi mark have read you story and hope your life moves on. you say the 12th is the first day of the rest of your life ! JUST a thought why not today is the first day of the rest of your life , you could go into re hab with 11 positive thinking days in your locker im sure it could only help . maybe try to get to 1,2 or 3 ga meetings in the mean time . in my experience they can be one of the most uplifting places to go and talk and listen , good luck and please post again . ken
Hi Mark

I have just read your story and all our storys are linked in a way, i was like you i first admitted i had a problem some 5 1/2 years ago and attended GA and sorted all my debt out and my wife stood by me with our 2 boys !! Then i stopped going to GA meetings as i thought i had it beat but about 2yrs ago i started gambling again without my wife knowing and like you probably knew that this day would come but rather than be a man and tell people i was gambling again i fell back into the old routine of all the lies and deciet to my wife. I had blown all what savings we had in the bank and was even doing cash till pay day loans to fund my gambling !! My wife then found me out again about 10 weeks ago now and we have been living apart since and i have got to admitt that life like this is horrible !! But thats us gamblers we dont think about anyone else do we and all th hurt and pain we have given to our loved ones !! I hope you get in contact with your wife and daughter as i can understand how you are feeling at the moment as i see my kids but hate it when i am not around them all like it use to be. Gambling might of destroyed my marriage but i know i never want to go down this road again and am determined that i will never gamble again !!

I hope you get things sorted and look forward to hearing from you.

All the best
Hi Mark, Thanks for your story . Once a CG always a CG - I had to go through hell many times before I finally became honest and admitted that gambling had me beaten. There is only one way for you now and that is up. You have reached your 'rock bottom'.
Give yourself some time in rehab and hopefully, eventually you will be able to see your daughter again. Just concentrate on yourself and don't let anything on the 'outside' interfere with your recovery.
Please come back and let us know how you are doing.
best wishes

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