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once a gambler always a gambler
Hi, I am married to a compulsive gambler. We have been married 23 years and have 3 kids, his gambling has caused us so much pain and heart ache over the years.The last two have been sheer hell because he got us into a situation of debt depression which ended in our lives being threatened. Our families found out about it all for the first time, some of them hate my husband for what he has done and have severed ties with us. We now owe so much money out we have to work long hours to pay debts, we havent had a holiday for 3 years.I have to control all the money my hubby cant even have a bank account, I have to deal with all the bills. I cant talk to him about money worries, say if we get a bill and I cant afford to pay I have to come up with a payment plan but not let him know because he would just gamble again. He has a taxi which means he deals with cash a lot he relapses about every 8 weeks. I have to go and find him to break the cycle of gambling to cover the last gamble otherwise it would go on for days instead of once or twice every 8 weeks. I feel the gambling is under control but isn't stopped. I was thinking do gambles always relapse and is this normal?
We do relapse at times. But please dont think his gambling is under control. It isn't. You need to try to get him to a meeting. He will keep doing this until he is ready to stop. He may not take to the meetings, but he will meet people like him and see a way out. He may not. Only he can tell.
Try to get him to a meeting for all your sakes, if he's ready it will help. For yourself try to find a Gam-Anon meeting, you will be able to discuss your side of this problem, that will help you.


Thank you so much for your reply . He had been to GA about 2 years ago, he thought the people there were kind and sincere but it wasn't for him so he only went for about 4 weeks. But i know he cant do it on his own, last time i caught up with him he was totally devaststed. He and i cant take any more .I said then i cant help him he needs expert help. Enough is enough. He's tried to go it alone and ended up relapsing, its always when we just get a little bit straight, when he doesn't need to gamble he falls off the wagon. He agreed saying he can't do this anymore. I said even if he doesn't like the meetings if he goes once a week it reminds him he can't gamble again. Im wondering if i should go to the meeting for family members, are they at the same time and place ? Thank you again, when you live with a gambler it hard to remember what reality is like !!!!!!!!

The Gamanon meetings are usually at the same place on the same night, but in a different room. The groups do not meet together. If you look on the meeting list at the side those meetings with gamanon groups will say so.

Hope you and yours can recovery and move on with life.

one of the major problems with this illness is we can never say never so in my oppinoin and lots of members who go ga all we can say is one day at a time.Also in my opinion it can only be done a day at a time if the gambler truly wants to stop and the best place for that is ga where he can be round fellow compulsive gamblers in remission.I hope your partner can get to meeings being a taxi driver or whatever is no excuse there are many people who carry money through work who devise and stick to system i do understand it is easier if you dont have this problem.The debt and money is a huge problem one which you may need advice over but it is the strain of the mental and physical issues which the addition causes no amount of money can count for peace of mind and sanity.Last of all i wish your family all the best and hope your husband can tackle his problems all the est gp a compulsive gambler. <!-- sBig Grin --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt="Big Grin" title="Very Happy" /><!-- sBig Grin -->

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