Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
gambling yet again
My name is Andy and Im a compulsive gambler.After yet another totally miserable,lonely,bad,empty,boring and disgusting bank holiday weekend,spent alone,again with myself,ive finally given in to gambling again after 298 days without a bet.I went down to the bookies,purely out of boredom and armed with some cash that I ahd gotton hold of and sat in the bookies pretty much all afternoon,without betting until the last race at 5.35.I remember it well because there was a cert running,in my eyes and having picked winners all day without betting,this one had to win,so I thought,but as usual it got beat and the down slide continued.So I went out and borrowed money from 5 different sources and of course lost the lot.And now Im in a whole world of pain again.I just may as well go and end it all and do the right thing by jumping under a train because the bookies always get me,even after 6 months/9 months or whatever.I feel sick and disgusted with myself as I was approaching nearly 1 whole year with out a bet.But no,couldnt do it.Even though I knew if Id won Id have still been in there,today,tommorrow until it had all gone.I have let myself down,and also by not attending meetings ive also paid the price.Although I didnt lose as much as the last slip I had,I have now got huge debts to repay now,how I just dont know.
I dont make excuses,and I really didnt want to bet today,but a combination of the loneliness,boredom and jealousy of seeing other people enjoying and having fun,made me feel sick and envious because that is all I want,some happiness,but gambling has just massacred me again.Andy
My name is Andy,a compulsive gambler.Ive now managed to get through this day without a bet,my 3rd day clean since the slip on Monday,and the pain and damage really comes into effect a day or 2 after for me.I have now got to start all over again,for the millionth time and try and gain some kind of strength I guess from yet another failure.I always feel ill and sick after,but again today I found my feet wondering into a bookies,even though it was for 2 minutes I knew I shouldnt be there,and had no intention of going there,just that the hideous,evi,devil that gambling is,it somehow conspired to make a bookmakers appear wherever I was at that time of day,and of course i am still reeling from Mondays losses,then the old feeling of,ive got to get my money back,comes into my half brain,then before I knew it,the gambling thoughts had took over again.But I got away with it,today,but I know it will be there every,single day forever and ever,and while Im still in this really pissed off mode and vulnerable more than usual,I guess Im in big danger of getting back on the merry go round of hell on earth of gambling.But I will try not to go near the dreaded places tommorrow.Andy.
My name is Andy and Im a compulsive gambler. Unfortunately i've had another slip and gambled again today. I know what I must do and now that I have the gambling bug well and truly back with a vengeance, which its always been, but just slighlty dormant for a while. I must get back to the basics and do the GA way, but saying and doing are 2 different things. All I can hope is that I can get to a meeting tommorrow as I havent attended for some 3/4 months and i've paid very dearly for more mental torture and damage. Im very disappointed in myself and even more so now after slipping earlier in the week for the 1st time in 10 months. I only hope I can get clean again as I feel dirty and like scum for getting back on the wheel of destruction.
andy all the best mate-u sound exactly like me-dont know what to do-i need help too mate

Forum Jump:

Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)