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I have been out of control for many years. In many ways. It started with food, then cigs, then gambling. Managed to stop smoking but everything else is still out of control, and I am so ashamed it's like there are no words... words don't mean anything anyway... sorry doesn't mean anything. I hear myself every single time saying sorry, sorry, I'm so sorry... still I do it again. My poor husband, he really doesn't deserve this. I have ruined his life and if something doesn't change quickly I am going to ruin my children's as well. We now owe so much money and it's all my fault and I am just so sick of being me... all I can think about is running to play on fruit machines, run away from everything. I think if I were a bit more selfish I would just end it all. I just keep thinking they would be better off without me, but then I know it would only cause my husband more problems. I wish I could take it all away... I wish I had never started. I have tried stopping on my own, and I only go back to it with a revenge, twice, three times as bad. I will attend a meeting this week. Poor bloke, I hope he can forgive me one day.
Hi chicken

Attending a GA meeting can be very liberating.
Being able to confide in people who have the same addiction AND THERFORE UNDERSTAND the problems, the hearteache etc that you are experiencing is unbelievable.

Best wishes

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