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I am a waste of space
Hi the big fella

First issue... suicide is not the way out. I did attempt suicide,and after a lot of soul searching, I realised that all I was doing was hurting my family more than I already had. I would have left them with ahuge mess to clean up, plus they would have the added emotional loss.

The self loathing you talk about is something we all experienced. "I hate myself, why doI do it,how can I pay my bills,who can I borrow/steal from" etc... Sleepless nights, constant worry, all CG's have experienced that.

It took me about 6 to 9 months of "being clean" before I realised, that I did not loath myself anymore. I actually liked myself again. I hadn't felt like that for years (at least 5, maybe 8 years).
Being gamble free is the secret to improving your self worth/self esteem. It does take a while, but I guarantee it will happen. Some people take longer than others though.

Money is always a big issue initially. You have to try and understand that what you have lost is gone forever. You will never get it back. Certainly not by gambling anyway. Let it go. I know it will be hard, but if you are forever thinking about what you have lost, you might then think of an easy way of making a killing again. ie. gambling. Then the cycle will continue and you will be back here!

FYI, I have been gamble free for only 16 months, but in that time I have heard of only one case where someone has remained gamble free by "doing it alone". You will forever do yourself a disservice if you try to do it alone. You know as well as I do how hard it is to stop the urge from happening, and taking control over you.

Glad you will be going to a GA meeting. The 1st meeting will seem strange to you. I always recommend that you promise yourself you will go to at least 4 meetings before you make a judgement on GA. You will have a better understanding of the GA fellowship by then.

I am not sure what the situation is in the UK, but here in Australia some GA meetings are "open", meaning they are open to both the gambler and his/her relatives/friends. Phone GA and find out if this is the case in the UK, and if so, where is the nearest "open" meeting to you.

There is also a sister fellowship of GA. GAMANON is attended by relatives/friends of the compulsive gambler. This meeting is generally held at the same venue and the same time as the GA meeting, but in a different room. Your wife would gain a much better understanding of this addiction, and the hurdles both you & she will face as you attempt to overcome this addiction.

Finally, you aren't alone in this addiction. GA can help you. It won't be easy, but if you want to stop gambling it can be done. You must really WANT to stop however.

Best wishes

Messages In This Thread
I am a waste of space - by the big fella - 15-05-2010, 07:16 AM
Re: I am a waste of space - by Guest - 16-05-2010, 06:20 AM
Re: I am a waste of space - by Guest - 16-05-2010, 07:07 AM
Re: I am a waste of space - by the big fella - 16-05-2010, 10:14 PM
Re: I am a waste of space - by the big fella - 06-12-2010, 03:12 PM

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