trying to get up

[andy the loser again]

Im trying to make my buckled body rise out of my bed and the feeling of disgust and rage inside of me is unrelenting.After my gambling binge yesterday,I somehow went to a meeting last night.Why,Im not really sure because there is no hope for me.The damage I did yesterday has undone nearly 2 years of being clean,except for a couple of little slips.Now Im deeper in trouble again and so angry and frustrated at myself for being a loser again.I cant face this existance today,I hate everything so much and wish the pain would be gone forever.I didnt want to wake up today,I was hoping I could die in my sleep or if I could get hold of a gun and blow my particle of a brain away.I cant do nothing,all my own fault,nobody elses.My name is Andy and Im a compulsive gambler and loser.