Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
beaten again
Hi Andy

You are right. I do see things clearer now. My life isn't a bed of roses, but it is certainly better than what it was when I was gambling.

As for... "perhaps 1 or 2 of my Sisters may care if anything happened,but my Father and the rest of them wouldn't care less." Try and reverse the roles as they are now. Would you rather one of your sisters committed suicide rather than contact you and ask you for help/support if they were the compulsive gambler? Sure you would probably be angry at their gambling, but wouldn't you want at least the chance to offer some help?

Andy, as I have said before, I tried the suicide route. When my family first saw me after they thought I had long gone, I realised that I would be missed. That I was indeed loved, and that I did love my family very much. They were angry with me, the gambler. Not me, their brother. They saw that I was not what I used to be, and knew that given the right guidance, help & support,
I could once again be a "good man".

And, there are free financial counsellors available to you in the UK. Use them. Find out where you stand. You also have access to free online/telephone & face to face counselling. Use these services.
I had to use the services of a counsellor to help with my "issues'. I thought it was all BS... my mind has now changed as they helped me a great deal.

Hang in there Andy, we all deserve to live a happy life... that includes you my friend.

Best wishes
Thanks again for all your continued support Roy and Dave and everybody else.This is the hardest it has ever been,despite the fact that ive been lower in the gutter before.I have managed to stay clean for 3 days,but the guilt and anger from last weeks mental binge,is clearly at the forefront of my mind.Im livid with myself so much so I go around head butting doors to try and drum it in to my dumb head.I am sick,sick,sick to complete death of being a loser and losing all my very hard earned cash and possessions to the stinking bookies.I hate them and hate the fact that they and the gambling has the power.Anyway I have stayed clean for 3 days,for what its worth.I will just try and get through today and if I wake up tommorrow I will see what happens.Andy
Hi Andy

I know as well as you do, how hard it is to deny the urge to gamble.
I have been gamble free for 16 months now.
My worst urge was when I had to buy a new pair of shoes (I had fallen out of a tree and smashed my heel bone, and now my feet aren't exactly normal looking). At that stage I had been clean for about 5 months. Trouble was I didn't have the money to buy shoes!

The only thing that stopped me from going to a venue was me remembering the very worst thing I ever did as a gambler, and how it still hurts me to think I could do that.

I stole money from my sister. Why? If I had stolen money from a stranger or a bank, I am sure it would not have had the same effect on me. This was my low "rock bottom".
That was the reason I decided to commit suicide.

How much did I hate myself? Loathe myself?

Andy, I know where you are at with your thinking. ( or I think I do <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt="Smile" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile --> )

Three days off the punt is a great start. If you do have the urge, think about how you felt at your lowest point. <!-- sSad --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_sad.gif" alt="Sad" title="Sad" /><!-- sSad --> Do you want to go back there? I know I don't. Life is not great for me, but I can certainly say that it is improving, and will keep on improving.

This is where your GA meetings can help you. There will be members at your meeting who are obviously happy with their lot. Think about this....I can almost guarantee you that they will be in a huge amount of debt, so why would they be happy? Hope! The chance to have a better life!
The realisation that money does not make your life a happy one.It never has and never will.
You have to be content with what you have to be happy!

I am content. I choose not to gamble. Every day is a better day. Tomorrow the sun will rise, the birds will sing, I will be greeted by my German Shepherd dog.
What more could I want? <!-- sBig Grin --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_biggrin.gif" alt="Big Grin" title="Very Happy" /><!-- sBig Grin -->

Hang in there Andy

Best wishes

Forum Jump:

Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)