28-05-2010, 07:54 AM
My name is Andy a compulsive gambler.Ive managed 5 days clean from the gambling this week.But it has been the hardest week of my existance,purely because last weeks gambling binge hurt me mentally,phsically and financially more than it ever has in the past.Even though ive been in worse positions than this,it really hurt more than ever and the anger and rage I feel towards myself for doing it is immense.Thinking of how hard I had to work again to earn money to just pay my bills,then just go and hand it over to some bookie,makes my blood boil and it sticks in my mind so much it hurts to get up everyday and face the planet.Ive been to ameeting and a Dr this week and will be attending the ga meeting again Sunday,if Im still alive,and see what happens.Right now I cant even think any further than this day as it overwhelms me and makes me even more ill,with the thought of debt,worry,stress,and a daily struggle of so called life.It all seems pointless to me that life should be like this,and full of sadness and pain.But all I can do is not gamble today.Andy