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Dont no what to do
Hi just needed some help my fiance of 11yrs has always had a gambling addiction since we met as teenagers about 8years ago he went to G.A and i can recall this being the happiest time of our realtionship i went to gammon however being quite young didnt really take it in .He soon stopped going and our lifes become hell i began living my own life not showing him any love or feelings i had for him he would be gambling i get him out of his mess and forget about it everytime thinking that shows him how much i love him. Anyhows 8months ago he joined the gym and had a new addiction loosing alot of weight building alot of condfidence and we spilt up as he said i try and rule his life (only because of gambling)) its been so hard as we have a little 2year old girl. he has been worse since we spilt gambling every penny lying just real bad he dis tell me as we not toghther he hasnt got me to explain where he been or where the money gone alot easier for him to gamble . The other month i came across a book gam mon gave me and it is apperent our realtionship problems and everything thats going on all to do with his illness. i explained to him and said i want to be by his side to help him and he needs to seek help which he agreed as he broke down the other week poend up to me and said he lost control . but he works away mon-fir only back weekends and it seems he at breaking point when home then he goes to work for a week comes back he he back to normal lying, away for long periods of time . Just dont no what to do we both love each other so much but he blames me for all this mess . I Think its time a stood back now, i find it so hard as i have always been there for him but he constanly hurting me and i cant live like this anymore . Dont want loose my true love and i no in his kind heart he dont want to loose me but his mind very confused. We just spent a lovely week on holiday together as a family so wonderful as there was no arcades around and we had a perfect week.however we come back home and i dont see him for 2days and no excatly where he been and it hurts .I have tried to say i cant do anymore and we have to start seperate lives but i am worried he may do something stupid as at times he gets real depressed and makes me feel i have to be involved . Can anyone give me a lil advise PLEASE.
Hi jo23

The answer to your question was in your post when you said that as a couple you had never been happier whilst he was attending GA.
Once he stopped attending GA, the roof started to fall in again.

Depression is a very common illness. It is a consequence of our gambling addiction.
If we stop the gambling, our lives improve and so our depressive nature disappears (mostly).

Will he hurt himself? I do not know the answer. Bear this in mind however. I did attempt suicide due to my gambling problems. I did NOT tell anyone that I was going to do this, because I didn't want anyone to try to stop me.

For him to stop gambling, he has to WANT to stop. You can NOT make him.
All you can do is offer him support. If you feel that you are at the stage that you can not live with him anymore...again that is a decision only you can make.

Do NOT blame yourself. You are NOT to blame.

May I suggest that you attend some GAMANON meetings. You have already said that you found help within that group. Maybe now, with some more life experience you may gain a much better insight into our world, and be better able to understand how you can and can't assist him.

Best wishes
Thank you Roy

i have been wanting to go to gamanon just thought as we not back together is it my place 2 go? i want to be by his side to be there for him just he just pushing me away. i feel that he thinks its easier for him to gamble as we not sorted out our realtionship. But feel he thinks i am soft that i will always have him back what ever he does i just want us to be happy and express our love that we both got but have never shown

I do find strenth reading the bible now thats helping through this awful time in our lives.
Hi jo23

You would certainly be welcome at GAMANON. Especially since you are hoping to get back together with your fiance, you will need the tools & support that GAMANON can provide you.

I am not a religous person. Howver I certainly believe that having a faith in "something", whatever that may be, can help you through some tough times. If your faith helps you, good on you.

My hat goes off to partners of gamblers. Being a gambler, I can not really appreciate what we have put you through.

Don't forget about YOU. You are the most important person in your world. Look after yourself.
Make sure that you are in control of the finances (as much as you can be). You will have to be a little bit wary of what he may do re gambling. You have probably heard of stories of bank accounts wiped out in a weekend, or even a single day. These are NOT tall tales. If we go on a really big binge, we tend to gamble with ever bigger amounts, so as to try to win back our losses. It is amazing how quickly those bank accounts can empty.

Best wishes
Hi my names T im a compolsive gambler.
if he wants to stop the future will be fantastic! ask him if he wants to go to a meeting again if not try to find the next nearest GA meeting as they are not all the same and he might get on better with a different meeting. you should defo go to gamanon by your self it will help you deal with his illness.

You and him will have to understand that he has NO power over his illness so he will have to aviod ALL gambling!

suicide is common in gamblers that cant see a way out, but there always is if he wants it.

i have messed things up big time through gambling time and time again but now im not gambling life is fantastic.

i will always be a compolsive gambler but one that doesnt gamble. i wanted to stop this illness and the easiest way is to have no money! so all my cash cards and credit cards went to the mrs, and i donthave accwess to money so not gambling is even easier with no money!

I hope this info helps!!!! please

I forgot to say im not religious so you dont need to be to tackle this illness
Thankyou for your replys they really help to have support , This weekend i have backed off and not questioned where he has been or where all his money had gone , i didnt have to question as i new . but he was very upset when he left to go to work but went upstairs before he left and took his orange book he had in his draw from when he went to GA 8 9years ago i didnt ask him and havnt said i new he took it But i feel like thats a start. I no i cant make him go thats why i have stepped back also find this way is harder for him to but his blame onto me as he hasnt an excuse i nagging him or keeping on.
This site helps i found a local gamanon meeting near me so hopefully i can go soon.

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