08-06-2010, 11:57 AM
Ok, I,m 44 reasonably intelligent. I adore my wife and kids so so much, but still I risk my relationship by gambling. I have big debts, personal loans that my family dont know about. But worst of all I am too much of a coward to tell my family that I have a problem.
I have read many stories on this site and I sympathise with so many of you, but i dont see my problem as an illness. Its entirely my fault its not down to an illness is it? I wish I could see it as an illness, then I could use it as an excuse.
I have considered suicide, but then realise the implications this has for my family, and because I love them so much I cant do it. I honestly dont give a dam about myself. I cant hurt my wife and kids and telling them of my problem would almost certainly ruin our relationship. If I were in my wifes position i would despise me anyway.
I have been using money from our joint account to feed my disguating habit, and then taking out loans to cover my tracks. Yes I lie, I cheat, but I do seriously love my family, are they better off without me?
I have read many stories on this site and I sympathise with so many of you, but i dont see my problem as an illness. Its entirely my fault its not down to an illness is it? I wish I could see it as an illness, then I could use it as an excuse.
I have considered suicide, but then realise the implications this has for my family, and because I love them so much I cant do it. I honestly dont give a dam about myself. I cant hurt my wife and kids and telling them of my problem would almost certainly ruin our relationship. If I were in my wifes position i would despise me anyway.
I have been using money from our joint account to feed my disguating habit, and then taking out loans to cover my tracks. Yes I lie, I cheat, but I do seriously love my family, are they better off without me?