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doing ok, but had a lapse and confused
since last posting on here i was in a mess over online gambling, was really having a hold on me the 25th may i paid for a gambling blocker, the first week after installing it was awful, was i guess like going through cold turkey, the thoughts of online gambling have almost gone,(but i still do check my emails for offers i dont know why cus im not going to go on,i cant) since not using online gamblining my bank balance has rose and i can now pay off the rest of my car and have no debt..

But .. i let myself down, i really dont know why i did, I went for my drive and (only have one cash card now) got 20 out (few pounds really) and went in the arcade it wasnt a planned thing as i went in i really wasnt bothered about being inits so frustrating, anyway i won some and put it back as well as the 20 i got out. Im so annoyed and mad with myself i couldve put that in my petrol tank, but if i did really have a problem ,wouldnt i have got more money out , i know i had to 'hurry up' due to my husband being at home waiting for me to get back from 'the shop' Maybe i havent got a problem and just am what my login name says i am.
Pleased to hear your doing well, I am in a similar situation to you in that I now pay all my bills by debit card the second I get paid & transfer the rest to my partners bank account. I generally do this all online before I leave the house on pay day as I just cant trust myself with my bank card/ money. I only carry a few pounds to buy anything I need during the day.

I found before doing this that although I was trying to tackle my problem, I like you would go out and get maybe a small amount out and end up spending it in the betting shop, although I was then walking away (more through fear that my partner would cach me) and going home I realised that it was only a matter of time before I went once with the small amount and it ended up being a large amount.

So my advice is be very careful of this as I think i's a bit like that small glass of champagne to the alcoholic, we think we can control it & end up kidding ourselves until the addiction sneaks up on us again and whack we do something we really regret.

I think you are right to be mad with youself as I always was when I lapsed like this and it was this that eventually made me do what I now do with my money. The only time I now carry anything resembling real money is if I'm going to buy petrol or pehaps going for an evening out with friends and the latter is a time I have to be really careful!!!
hi thankyou for your reply, I know what i need to do, but the temptation is overwhelming. The online gambling has stopped thanks to the blocker. but i have a laptop that i use in the kitchen for tv/online movies that hasnt the blocker on, now, iv only nearly logged on once, but its very slow and my husband walked in so i closed the window and forgot about it. Its scared me that i almost did it and knew it was stupid.

That was the day after i wrote this post , i just dont know what goes on in my head.

I pass the amusement arcade daily, with and without my daughter today i had no intention of wanting to go in, although its on my mind, i shouldnt even be thinking about it, i walked passed and didnt look, tried to look 'normal'

Its all like a curse. Id like these feelings to stop, will they ever?

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