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dark days
I'm Andy, a compulsive gambler and i've managed to make it 50 days today without a bet. But everything is worse by miles now,even though I havent gambled. I have no work,no income and I'm just drowning in debt and the tunnel of darkness I'm in is unrelenting. All because of the last gambling binge I had some 8 weeks ago. The damage i've done is really hitting more now as all the credit card bills have got far bigger and even harder to get out of. This is all without gambling,it is so,so crap but who else have I to blame except my stupid self. I think about gambling every day,and that is why I'm in this world of darkness,with a bleak and black future ahead,as I said some 20 years ago.I feel unbelievably bad,because all this life of misery is just sufference.I've been to meetings and try and attend as much as possible,but I couldn't even afford petrol to put in my car to get there Sunday,this is not life.Andy
Hello again Andy,
You know this illness is progressive and when we have some abstinence and then go back to gambling each time is worse.
I lost so much of my life to gambling. Lost relationships, marriages, home, car, family members, good jobs etc. etc. I was 55 before I finally surrendered on my knees and once again dragged myself into another GA meeting (by the way I had to hitch a ride that night). I had been in prison for fraud, lost my sanity and the next step was death for me. Ten years on I still struggle with day to day things and because I am know on an aged pension sometimes find it difficult to juggle my bills and expenses but believe me Andy I wouldn't exchange my life that I have today with the one I had 10 years ago. There is something holding you back and you need to deal with whatever these things are. You have been around the GA program for quite some time now and if you are not progressing it's because you are not working the steps enough. Some of us CG's Andy have to work harder than others (me for one).
I also walked into GA hundreds of thousands in debt and knew that I would never be able to pay these off, but have made restitution where possible, you are not expected to go without food or neccesities but any money left over should not be squirrelled away waiting for our next bet.
Go to your local Library and order a book by a man called Bill Lee -' Born to Lose'. Very empowering reading.
I am going to get real mad with you Andy if you don't start recovering and I will come on over to England and give you a good shove and I still have some go in me, even at 65 lol.
Let me know how you are doing as I have followed your story for a couple of years now and can feel the pain you are going through.
Best regards
Hi andy, 50 days without gambling it's a great success; i'm sure you can beat this awful illness
and you'll can see the beauty of the world and to live the bests days of tour life.
You're not alone and i think we are many people that wish you a real recovering.
Go ahead, you have taken the good road, you must to handle.
Good luck
Totally 101% respect to you Andy.
Im following you as i think it was around the same time we both messed up and decided enough was enough, so you really are inspiring me too. I never want to get back like it was. please , we are thinking clear now , i know that my experiance when i was at my worst was like i was drunk all the time, couldnt think, and then hungover and still couldnt think. we've done the hardest part.

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