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day 68 of the mission
#1
I have now managed 68 days without a bet today,Friday 30th July. Life is as tough as ever, unfortunately I'm in a world of pain. My head has cleared a bit and i've completely steered away from gambling, except Tuesday as I had the 3 ingredients to disaster:time,money,and boredom.I then watched horse racing on TV for 3 hours,and I was so not even paying attention I cannot remember 1 that won. But I know it was the wrong thing to do and I shouldn't have even watched 1 second of it, but boredom beat me. I struggle every day,with just the whole thought of getting up and facing the world.Will it ever,ever change? I feel like I'm just waiting for my existence to end,as I have no go and no inspiration left in me.This disease has tormented me for 25 years and I see no difference in my lifestyle,just that i've abstained from gambling, for now. But the problems and misery of my life are still very much there and as I have already slipped hundreds of times before, I'm dreading another slip,because each time gets worse and worse and I don't feel have many chances left,if any, before this disease will claim me.Andy
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#2
Hi Andy Me again! If 'nothing' changes then 'nothing' changes. Self pity is one of our greatest destroyers and will send us back to gambling quicker than anything else. Give yourself a chance and stop digging into the past - just deal with it and dump it for good (4th step) move into today and live it to the best of your ability, just do one thing a day that makes you feel good, go and mow someones lawn, give someone a helping hand, go and volunteer your time instead of 'watching' horse races for 3 hours.
Keep posting and give me one positive.
Helen
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#3
Good luck. Right now I have no desire to gamble, My last trip was a bad one. I can't even recall if it was last Thursday or not. Anyway as long as I can keep the desire and money away I will be fine. If I feel I am slipping I will go to a meeting for the first time. I know that there is no way to win if you gamble, The only way to win is not to bet.
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