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Found out BF been lying about Gambling
#1
Well where to start... around christmas time I found my partner was gambling a excessive amount, he admitted it and agreed he would only bet on big race meetings, ie chelteham/ goodwood etc etc. This was what I had been told he had always done in the past.

Anyway for the past week I noticed he has been watching a lot of racing, so I have asked him if he's had a bet, he's been denying it and said that it was just a certain horse that he wanted to watch the form of etc etc.

Well he left his betfair account open today and I spotted it when I got home from work. He has been betting, he had 40 bets today alone. So I looked further into his account, he deposited hundreds in 20 days. This is only his betfair account, he also has other online accounts and I believe he also bets inshop.

I have spoke to him about it and he has admitted it, he says he will stop after goodwood - which he already has booked and goes to every year. He wants me to block his accounts so that he can only go on with my supervision to do small bets and big meetings. I have explained to him that he will still be addicted if he bets. But all of his friends bet, and they all go to meetings together and this goodwood holiday together. Also the Major thing in all of this is he is a manager of a betting shop, and therefore gambling is around him day in day out so he can't remove him self from it.

I don't know what to say to him, I feel so hurt and let down from his lies, I have had lots of lies from ex partners and he promised he would never lie to me again and that he would confide in me if he felt his gambling was becoming excessive again. I feel that the trust has gone from our relationship.

I think he should apply for some other jobs away from gambling and discuss his problems with his gambling freinds so they won't discuss bets with him. And I think he should give up all gambling, but I doubt he will do any of these.

In the meantime can anyone give me any advice on how to handle this and also how to block the gambling sites on the computer - maybe with password control.

Thanks in advance

shel
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#2
Unfortunately if he is not willing to help himself there is very little you can do. I would suggest that you start protecting yourself and your family and if you have seperate bank accounts then do not allow him access to it.

As for helping him all you can do is keep dropping the hints until he is ready to accept and if he is compulsive that time will come.
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#3
Thanks for your advice, he has admitted it a bit but says he's not ready to give up and wants me to put a parental control on the computer to block betting sites unless you have a password, that way he can only go on if I am supervising his bets so that I can stop him from chasing losses. Can anyone tell me how to do this?
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#4
I don't really see the point in putting blocks on. If he has no desire to stop why bother? he'll just find ways around it, you shouldn't have to be policing his gambling. My girlfriend tried that and I just used another computer so that way she'd be in ignorant bliss thinking everything was happy whilst I messed everything up.

I'd go along the lines of the previous poster in that the only thing you should be policing is your own finances and that of those close to you.

All of my friends bet on a very much unhealthy level and I worked at a betting machine company.

I don't speak to any of them anymore and I quit my job a month after coming to my meetings.


I don't think dropping hints works so much though, as long as he can gamble and dream why is he going to stop? I know for a fact in my heyday someone dropping hints would get their head bitten off. I only saw the light when I ran out of money and places I could borrow and steal from, so when I had no other choice basically.. with the way it sounds like he's spending that's possibly not that far off.

My girlfriend didn't bail me out and to be quite frank it's the best thing she could have done, I think if I'd been given a clean slate I would have just done it again instead of the long hard slog i'm currently undergoing.

When I mentioned to her I'd buggered everything up, she pointed out it's only my life I ruined, for that i'm thankful.
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#5
[Unfortunately if he is not willing to help himself there is very little you can do..[/quote]

That's true. Even people who know they have problems and admit it have a hard time quitting gambling. I wish you best of luck, regardless.
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#6
I would suggest that you go to an Gamanon meeting. You will find friends and helpful information there. Bring home some leaflets explain to you partner what you are doing and why you are doing it. e.g you love him but you cannot carry on like this and you need to find help and protect yourself. If and when the time is right maybe leave some leaflets so that he can see and read them - maybe even together. He will only give up when he is ready but with GENTLE, SUBTLE and KIND direction, in my opinion, that day MIGHT come sooner.

Start making plans to protect yourself. DO NOT make threats that you do not carry out, in my opinion that might make things worse.

There is always help available, but it will only work if you take it, and use it as directed.
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