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otherwise normal
I am 61 years old and I have been a compulsive gambler since I was 17 years old. I lived and worked overseas for over half of my life.
I stopped gambling for over 15 years. I think that I was able to do it because I did not really have easy access to bookmakers and I filled my life with work.
I had to learn how to use a computor in my work place and realised how easy it was to to go online and place a bet. This is the only negative that I have seen with computers for people in my situation. However I resisted the temptation to bet online.
My wife was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2003 and I am not sure whether it was stress that spurred me to having a bet but I do know that it was a fatal mistake. I gambled but with my wife to support I never gambled more than I could afford to lose and to be honest not enough for her to notice. I would have had to explain large withdrawals as I gave her full access to my bank account
Being a compulsive gambler I knew that I was playing with fire. My wife died this year and I have been in a state of grief since. Same old thing I deal with it by gambling, my major weakness. I am a normal caring individual in every other way.
My wife knew that I was a gambler when she married me and one of the few worries that she ever had was that I would revert to gambling.
I am ashamed to say that she must be turning in her grave now.
I built up a small fortune while I worked overseas had good investments etc. I have gambled half of what it took me twenty years of hard work to accumulate in the few months since my wife died. I know that I am not suppose to go into figures on this site but let it suffice for me to say that I could have purchased a couple of average priced houses for cash for what I have wasted over the last few months.
I understand this dicease only too well having lived with it for all my adult life, the chasing of losses etc , it feels like monopoly money when gambling online.
I am now retired and do not need to work but I am at a cross roads. I am slowly but surely destroying everything that I have worked forand realise that if I carry on gambling the only way for me is downhill. I help a lot of people out in their times of need but if I carry on as I am I wont even be able to help myself.
I am sorry that this has been such a long post but I suddenly started to feel scared and needed to take a good look in the mirror by writing this down.
I will pray to God for his help and I will also say a prayer for all my other fellow souls that have been affected by this terrible disease.

I am so sorry to hear about your loss, but now is the time to take stock. Maybe, if you have time you can find out where your local meetings are and maybe, go and visit one. Not only will the meeting be of help but you could meet a new circle of friends and open up a new social life opportunity.
It must be extremely difficult without your wife. I would be lost to bits without my husband. I attend Derby GA and thanks to their plan, my friends in the group and faith in myself, I have now been clean for four years. My husband was the only one who kept the show on the road through my extremely dark days of gambling, even though he did not understand why I did it???
Anyway, lets look to the future,and maybe you could visit GA?, otherwise, another thing to do would be to install gambling blocking software onto your computer. it stops the slightest gambling site from entering your computer, so think how much it would save you in the long run.
Anyway, best wishes for the future - DebbieT <!-- sTongue --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_razz.gif" alt="Tongue" title="Razz" /><!-- sTongue -->

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