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staying straight
81 days bet free today,and still in the same rut.Every day just stumbles in to the next and life and time is passing me by,but I just cannot find anything in life to give me entusiasm still.I have been attending the ga meetings and although I havent gambles for 81 days,I do not feel like Ive made any progress whatsoever.I feel beyond help and beyond hope.Life hasnt got any worse,but it most definately hasnt got better.I try to get up in the morning and see some kind of reason to carry on,but every day is the same and nothing makes me want to carry on.Ive been in this merry go round of hell for many years,but the last 2/3 years has got worse.I still dont want to gamble and hope I dont give in again,but all I can say is that today I havent gambled.Andy.
The fact that you haven't gambled is great. Life can be very tough when abstaining from gambling and like yourself, I find that motivation to do anything can be very difficult. For instance, I have got a tremendous amount of work to do for exams at the end of this month yet I find myself slacking constantly. I know that if I don't put the work in I won't succeed but sometimes knowing this isn't enough.

I guess on occasion we literally have to force ourselves to things we don't want to do. Like it says in ''Just For Today'' - Just for today I will do two things I don't want to do - just for exercise. I find that if I do do things even when I am not motivated enough to do it it can be very rewarding. Laziness is a common trait of compulsive gamblers.

I guess what you are discovering is that we do need to change our personalities otherwise we will inevitably fall back into our gambling ways. Try doing some work on the steps or keep a diary of how you feel. Then it would be advisable to do some voulentary work or something to try boost your motivation to do other things. I have found that when I have a routine in my life I can be highly motivated.

Keep going Andy; you're doing really well. 3 months into the recovery is a difficult time for all as the high we feel from not gambling has worn off and we don't know what to do with ourselves.

All the best and stay strong,


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