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If at first you don't succeed, Don't stop trying
I am happy that I have wonderful children and a wonderful wife. And yet it saddens me that I continue to gamble. I have gambled for years, attended GA on 4 different occasions at 4 different meetings with my longest attendance being 3 years.
This weekend my daughter tried to kill herself because her best friend had sex with her longtime boyfriend and her and her boyfriend split up. During her distress and tears she said he was the only thing that had been great in her life and everything else had been bad then she cited 3 reasons her life had been bad:

1. The death of her eldest brother
2. She had scoliosis and had a full spinal rebuild last year
3. She can’t leave money anywhere because she doesn’t trust me to leave it alone because I
won’t stop gambling.

Now I know she is very emotional at present and I’m sure she would say that generally her life has been ok growing up at home, but the fact that she cited my gambling as one of her 3 reasons really worried me.
I know what I am and I’ve tried on numerous occasions to stop, I exonerate myself by believing because I have never taken my family to the financial brink that makes it ok.
I know I should attend meetings, and when I do, I stop gambling completely.

I have a problem though with the meetings, I find them boring after a while, occasionally a new member comes in and livens it up a bit, but generally it’s the same old stuff over and over and I just get fed up of attending. Also I cannot get my head around the true recovery program (Steps) I have never got past Step 1 and not sure if I ever will.

I still go through the emotional rollercoaster of losing, lying and causing myself various inconvenience due to lack of ready cash when I really needed it, this being because I get money handed to me on a needs must basis by the wife but I still spend it in the wrong place.

After the events of this weekend I feel the need to stop more than ever and I will try hard, I will go back to the local GA meeting, make my excuses/apologies <!-- s:oops: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_redface.gif" alt=":oops:" title="Embarrassed" /><!-- s:oops: --> and try again but on past evidence I don’t hold out too much hope.

Today I will not Gamble

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