Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
staying on the straight
I am now 111 days free from betting. I'm a compulsive gambler and always will be,but just for today, I will not gamble.I haven't been to a meeting for 6 weeks, which isn't good I know;just havent been able to afford to get there. That's how tight things are. I'm always broke, penniless and struggle every single day and, despite not having gambled for 111 days,things just never seem to improve. Nothing has really changed in my sad and sorry existence. I still just amble through each day,going nowhereand no real purpose or goals. I don't know where i've gone but my head isnt on this planet any more and hasnt been for some years now.I do try and think differently but nothing,just nothing at all, inspires me or gives me the zest of life I once had. Has it all gone forever? I always wonder if I will ever return to the person I may have once been: a bright,cheerful,happy person,with lots of ambition,drive,determination and goals in life,but I cant see that person inside of me ever coming back.Is this what all these years of gambling have done? I feel bitter and angry that I've wasted so many years. My youth has gone and the pain of seeing happiness in others hurts me so much I often just blank it out and look the other way in sadness and loneliness. But I know if I go back to gambling, things will be a million times worse and I fear that, if I do,I will end up topping myself at last. Andy.
Hi Andy, Helen here. Glad to see you are still around and that you have 111 days gamble free. Andy, I have so many sad regretfull moments - I lost at least 45 years to compulsive gambling but I know longer dwell on them because they are in my past and I cannot undo them. I can only live in today and to the best of my ability! I also see happy couples, families and situations but unfortunately that wasn't my life and I was a very unloveable person when I was gambling. See if you can get someone to take you to a meeting Andy! At those meetings we find HOPE, UNDERSTANDING and hopefully some 'NORMALITY'. I always watch out for you on this site Andy and believe me, I do care what happens to you.
Your friend in GA fellowship
Thank you Helen for all your continued words of help and support.I have read all your replies and know what you say is very true.I am now 114 days without a bet and I know only too well its just 1 day at a time.As I have slipped and fell on many,many occassions,probably over 100 times,but I would like to think this time I am doing things slightly different,by completely distancing myself from anything to do with gambling,ie watching the Horse racing,like I used to,even when not gambling.But however my recovery doesnt seem to be progressing,mainly because of such a crap,and lonely,dismal existance and the fact that I am very depressed a lot of the time as there never,ever semms to be anything to look forward to.Maybe thats why I always go back to gambling,but as you know it only makes things a million times worse and the hole gets ever deeper.All I can do is just take 1 day at a time and hope that 1 day a shred of happiness will come.Thanks for your replies,Andy.
Thanks Dave for your words and helpful information.Im now 118 days bet free,but I only know too well that Im always just 1 day at a time bet free.My problem is that I havent attended a meeting for 5 weeks now and I know it is vital,but things have been so tight ive barely been able to put food on the table.Hell knows what it would be like if I have another slip.I know the importance of the meetings and will do my utmost to get to 1 asap,as I am not recovering very well.Thanks,Andy
Hello andy!! I'm really happy for you, i try to stop gambling and you are a good example for me; i will try to do likes you.
I'm feeling so good when i don"t gamble!!!!!i don't know why i slip once again.
This time i said me: never, never, look andy, he can do it , me too.
Courage andy and congratulations for your willpower, by

Forum Jump:

Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)