How gambling has ruined my life..

[Guest]

Hi my name is Joshua, I'm 20yrs old and I know that I am a compulsive gambler..

I started gambling from a very young age.. My dad used to be a bookmaker.. My parents got divorced a log time ago, as my mother left my dad due to the gambling. She couldn't stand living with a gambler.. They now live in different cities..

I remember taking my first bet in my dads company.. It was a losing one.. Thereafter, I had another bet a few months later, again in my dads' company.. Unfortunately, this was a winning bet.. Little did I know, that this bet, would create a living hell for me, and create mountains of apparenlty insolvable problems.. It was after this bet, that I was hooked..

I continued gambling for a few more years, till when I was about 15, and my mother caught me.. I was greeted with a hard slap to the back of my head.. All hell broke loose.. I had to sleep at an aunts place that night.. Anyways this trend continued, for a few more years.. My gambling addiction took complete controll of my life.. It turned me into a monster..! I began to lie more frequenlty, and resorted to theft from freinds and family, in order to finance my next bet.. I started missing school about 3 times a week in my final year, just so I could be @ the bookies from morning to night..

it was about 15 months ago, where I was brought to the lowest point in my enitire life.. I considered suiced.. Thats basically when I confessed everyting to my mother.. I told her about everything I had been doing.. She was in shock- That I was gambling for the last 3 yrs behind her back..

Anyways, I got referred to some counsellor for a few sessions, and I then had another slip.. I then joined Gamblers Anonymous, where I remained gambling free for just over a year (which I celebrated about 2 months ago)

However, I had another slip, while visitng my father.. I really felt like I was a complete failure.. Like I had let everone down.. My mother found out.. She didn't want me back in her life.. I had broken the trust again.. She was going to send my clothes and my belongings to where I was staying.. Other family members tried to reason with her.. After a few days, she agreed to give me one more chance..

I have been given a final chance at life.. I dont want to go back to gambling.. I pray each day, that God gives me the power to stay gambling free.. As of today I am 1 month and 14 days gambling free.. Its not the quantity of ones' recover, but rather the quality.. I really hope I dont go back to the gambling way of life, but I'm also constatntly living in fear, that I will have another slip.. I still cant work out why, I had a slip after 1 year..

But I know that I have to be in gamblers anonymous, today, tomorrow and forever.. And I just hope that god grants me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, COURAGE to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference...

[helen]

Hi Joshua, As you have found out for yourself us Compulsive Gamblers only ever get worse never better if we continue to gamble. You have been given another chance (maybe your last) so congratulations you have made a good decision by realizing the compulsive gambling absolutely messes our lives up in all ways. Family, friends never trusting us again is one of them.
You will need to be on your guard especially around your Father. Don't mix with gamblers and don't go anywhere that has gambling on it's agenda. Tell your Dad the honest truth about YOUR gambling and tell him that your recovery comes first above all else. Grab someone from the programme who has a lot of time up and that you feel comfortable with, someone whom you trust and ask that person to sponsor you. Work the 12 steps and the benefits will come. Come back here often and let us know how you are doing, this will also help others who are struggling with their gambling.
Take Care,
Your friend in the GA fellowship
Helen

[Carole]

Keep the faith, and keep on fighting the urges. You will make it. Don't ever give up hope. One day at a time. God bless you.