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Admitting I have a problem
Hello, I have had problems gambling for around ten years now. I tend to go through particularly harsh times before I realise that gambling creates misery for me and my family. I've come onto this site tonight for the very first time in my life, and after just experiencing losing a lot of money. It's time I did something about it, once and for all.
I began gambling on football matches when I was younger and had a similar problem as a few other posters on here in that initially I won some money.
I have gambled on everything throughout the ten years - starting with fruit machines, moving onto football, racing, casinos, online casinos, TV roulette, poker etc.
I loved the feeling of winning so much, that even when I lost more than I'd won, as long as I had that winning feeling, it was okay.
Two and a half years ago I had a long term partner who I loved more than anyone else in the world. We had a wonderful relationship until I spent our mortgage money on TV roulette one night whilst she was out of the house. It was all we had and I panicked about losing her. I was so ashamed about what I'd done but didn't know where to turn to, for the first time in my life, I comtemplated suicide. I took the car out and drove, and am still not sure where, hoping that I would crash and die or looking for somewhere to do it. When I returned home my partner was still out. I decided to try and hang myself from the loft and although it scares me to say it, I sat there for ten minutes ready to lower myself down the hatch suspended by the roof joists. Luckily I couldn't go through with it, and didn't want my partner to find me like that so didn't. Instead I contacted my mum and explained everything. She immediately came around to the house, and contacted my partner. I was a mess and two weeks later, my partner left me.
Periodically I have really bad moments gambling. Tonight I have gambled all of my monthly wage away on Poker after only being paid a week ago. It's the most depressing and miserable I've felt since that night right now, I just want to stop. I have an addicative personality and don't trust myself to gamble anything anymore. I intend to go to a meeting tomorrow night and tell my family about the problems I yet again have in order for them to understand and support me as best they can. I know ultimately though, that it's up to me.
Broken 29. Hi I just read your story, my life kind of mirrors yours. I contemplated suicide numerous times, I also lost someone I loved very deeply through gambling. My message is not to go into all of that. Im 34 four years without a bet and when I was 29 I was in the same situation as you as the time scale suits. What I will say is you have a serious problem not only with your emotions but also with gambling (I had the same) what i did was drastic beyond contemplation (so wont go there), my ex knew about GA, I was attending but she dropped me like a lead balloon to live a happier life. The fellowship of men and women that come together is not always a miracle cure for all, it wasnt for me, I had tonnes of emotional insecurity, unsolvable problems but they were magnified by gambling, but it started the proccess of me becoming an honest person. You need to do what i did and say what is gone is gone, to coin a phrase from Bruce Almighty "you cannot mess with free will" and start life from today again. I write with upmost sincerity in this, I now have a business, im happy and I have met someone new who I can love again, its been nearly four years since I bet, i will not say that its been easy, no way but the reason I say is when you dont gamble you win, now I realise after 14years of misery how life can be hard but you can succeed. you need to put all into perspective, your 29, still young and you have a lot of life to lead. Go to a meeting, seek as much advice as you can and find that inner strength to beat this....

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