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Can I get my Wife come back?
I think sometimes to hear impartial views helps. So here goes. Please be patient I know its fairly long.

I got married last August (09) and my wife moved in with me and my Mum. So only three of us in the house. My Dad had passed away several years ago. We decided to stay with my mum until we have enough money to get a property of our own.

Anyway I met my partner two years before we got married. Before I proposed to her I got permission from her parents as they are very close and they respected me in coming to them first and I had their full respect.

Before I met my wife I used to gamble and was addicted. I gambled for about 4 years, It made me depressed and I was close to suicide on many occasions.

Eventually got help from GA to try to beat my habit. Every time I gambled my Mum and my sister would bail me out. I was lucky that my Mum didn't kick me out. But they said it was the last time.

I was clean for about a year, so I stopped going to GA about the same time as I met my partner. But it started again only four months after I met her.

I was again in debt. I didn't want to tell my Mum and my Sister as I had out them through so much over the years I confessed to my partner and she helped me out. But I carried on gambling.

Even before we got married she had bailed me out twice , and my Mum or her parents had no idea what was going on. However my Mum still asked me if I was gambling but I said no.

Over the last year It had got worse but again she helped me
out, despite me saying 'this is the last time' I begged her not to tell my Mum or sister or her family, and she didn't. But it was now getting to a stage were all her savings had pretty much gone.

Despite all this we were still in love and were very close and I knew she wouldn't leave me. But to be honest I did take her for a ride. When I needed the money I wouldn't always tell her I have gambled recently I would come out with saying some old debts that I 'forgot about' had cropped up and she would help me.

Anyway on August 16th, (just one week after our 1 yr aniversary) My worst nightmare came true. Her parents found out. What happened was her dad mistakenly opened on of her statement (she hadn't yet changed her address with her bank). He saw all these bank transfers going into my account and called her to go and see them.

My wife called me on and said she would be late back as she had to go and see her parents about something, but I had no idea what it was about. When she was over there I was texting her to ask what time she was coming home but wasnt getting a response.

I found out that her parents knew when her Dad called home and told my Mum that they needed to come over and discuss her statements. When my Mum told me I panicked and I took off. I got in my car and drove off. I didn't want to come back. I had all my family calling me to come back but I ignored the calls.

My wife only called me once which led me to believe that she wasn't that bothered and I sent her some nasty texts. and told her I am going to commit suicide and its all her fault.

I ended up driving down to beachy head in Eastbourne and I was ready to end it all, and I was there all night and still no text or call from my wife so I sent her another text and told her where I was.

My wife now called me and I took the call and she was crying and begged me to come back and assured me that everything will be ok and we will sort things out.

I decided to come back and t I went to my in-laws house as that's were my wife was and I got an expected barrage from her family. It was a very embarrassing situation as just over a year ago I promised them I would never let her down and would keep her happy for ever. All the respect they had for me had gone.

They made it clear that they wouldn't let her daughter come home with me at the time and asked me how I intend to resolve things. I said I would go to GA and get proper help and wanted another chance.

They were really upset and disappointed with me, not only about the gambling but what they claimed was 'emotional blackmail' with the texts.

So I went home faced up to my Mum who wasn't happy but still was there for me. I sent a text my wife the same evening but she said she wants time to think things through, I text her four days later but she still wanted time. So I left it things for a while.

Ten days later her Dad called and said they wanted to come around to 'talk'. When they came around my Wife said lets talk. We went upstairs and she said she wanted to end things as she couldnt carry on with me. I pleaded with her, told her I was getting help and will improve, but that didnt change her mind. I was angry beacuse she knew everything already. What got me was she so relaxed and didnt seem upset at all. When she was getting her stuff I was angry and I told her to 'get out' and even shouted at her that she was usless etc which didnt go down too well with her family.

After I realised It was the wrong way to react and I called her the next day and apologised and sent a text to her Mum. It was just the heat of the moment.

I tried to call her again but she didnt want to speak to me. I was feeling really really down at this stage and again I was having suicidal thoughts. So on the 3rd sept, I called her once more and told her I was calling her to say goodbye. But I was seroius at the time. I just couldnt carry on. She somehow convinced me not to do anything stupid and said we will talk when she got back from Holiday. So I left it and went back home with a clearer head.

Since that day I have been more positve and have been going to GA on a regular basis, speaking to a councellor and also have cancelled all my cards and my salary now goes into my Mums bank, So I have access to any Money and my Mum gives me enough money to get to work and for lunch. Ive also been praying everyday.

Anyway I try to call her the following week (8th) But she didnt want to talk. So I left it for a week and earlier this week I wrote a letter to her just expressing how sorrry I was for everything, how much of an Idiot I had been and what positive steps I am taking.

Her and her family are currently on Holiday and get back in a week so I hope she will contact me when they get back, but its cleary evident that her parents have somewhat brainwashed her and turned her against me. Beacuse if it was her decision she could of left before she did.

Im not sure what to do know

any Advise or comment will be appricaited.
Hey Pb,
I'm not going to give you false hope in this my friend. First, I will say well done by going to GA again and getting counselling. As you can understand, the trust is well out of the window and this is not about you as a person; it's about facing and tackling your gambling issue forever, day by day. I want to tell you some about my story so you can have a positive outlook. I had a fiancee; we were going to be married. She didn't know of the gambling until the day I came clean - by this time we lived together. In this lay an issue, as I had to come clean with her family also (who were in the salvation army) - from this day, the family will say things. I didn't gamble and stuck to GA but I slipped as I thought I had it under control; this ebbed the trust!! I got back on the programme and slipped again and eventually the parents/family persuaded her there was a better life elsewhere. This gave me the impetus to focus on GA again but some things happened that made dealing with that emotional side difficult. There is a reason to my whole message and by what you said you have done something by the situation. You have to want to follow the programme for you, to allow the people around you to lead normal lives. I didn't realise this until many years afterwards as my life was still messy and hers better, so I truly said enough was enough. Now nearly four years free from gambling (waiting for that milestone!!) I am a different person entirely; I do things for me. I don't have to lay burden on others and I don't mess with free will. I met another woman one year ago and slowly became friends and now we are heading into a relationship. I told her yesterday that I used to have a gambling problem and that is why I had nothing. Surprisingly, she said to me "its ok, its what you used to do". Now I have the platform to build a trust relationship in which I can say "you control the monetary side if you like". The reason I say all this is the only issue that you MUST concentrate on is not gambling; the rest, "what will be will be" as we cannot mess with free will and we certainly cannot take back all the things that we have done. I also realised now it was me with the problem and however tough it sounds, compulsive gambling is a desease that can lay dormant for a long time but will be within us forever....and its up to our dedication to a better life to make that better.
Welcome, The question you ask 'Can I get my wife to come back'? is not something that I can answer, but you need to concentrate on yourself at the moment as without recovery from CG you will have nothing except the 3 things of insanity, prison or death. Sounds rash but that is what happens to us CG's if we continue to gamble. You need to go to a GA meeting and be serious about surrendering and realize that you have no power over your gambling. This is a deadly, serious illness and needs to be treated. Go back and read your posting with an open and honest mind and see the deteriation of your life. Eventually our companions, family etc get tired of bailing us out and looking back at my gambling my family put up with so much for far too long.
Come back and let us know how you are doing in your recovery from this disease.
Your friend in the GA fellowship

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