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i need some advice
Hi Im looking for some advice or help. My partner left our family home over a year ago after both our nans past away.He walked out but the day he went he said he wanted to work things out. He has been on a downward spiral ever since. I found out he has been gambling after he was struggling to pay his bills and giving me my money towards our children. He also stole my credit card and took money out without my permission. When i confronted him he told me about his gambling. He has stolen off me a few times since. He also dissappears at weekends and he later tells me he is going to service stations and using fruit machines. Last week he was supposed to come see me and his children but never turned up and on the monday received a text saying he was sorry he had been stupid with a picture attached with around several hundred in pound coins. This weekend has been the same,he was making his way over to me friday night and never got here. He has switched his phone off , I am so worried cos he had his wages paid into the bank. He has been off work for months with depression. He says that gambling takes his mind off things. He also says that he feels the machines owe him something. So when he puts money in he thinks he deserves to get it back again.
I just want some advice of how i can help him, what approach do I use. Im so down at the moment and would love to have some insight into how he is feeling so i can understand a bit more.He is a good man and loves us . I asked him the other if he wanted to lose everything and he said he didnt so why has he done it again. I will stick by him but i am finding it difficult to do so . I feel i cant trust him,what can i do to get the trust back. Help please
Dear Pink,

Found your share very upsetting. I'm so sorry about the situation you find yourself in. I hope some of the members who read your share can offer you better help and advice than I can.

It sounds like your partner is exhibiting typical compulsive gambler behaviour. I'm afraid it will only stop when your partner stops gambling, and he will only do that when he is ready. I hope that is soon. You may be able to get some answers and insight from attending a gam-anon meeting. At the very least you will get support.

The only glimmer of hope I can give you is that if/when your partner is ready to admit he has a problem and prepared to get help, GA will be there for him. If he follows the programme properly and accepts and implements the advice he is given there, he could still become the man that you want and deserve.

I hope one day your share has a happy ending,

Adam C.
Hi Pink,
I will try to offer some advice to you but your other half was me some years ago before I found a beeter path so i hope you take a little inspiration from that. There is not much you can do to stop a compulsive gambler when they are in the complete grip of this dreadful desease. The only thing you can do or suggest is that he goes to a meeting, if I were you I would insist upon this. Paydays will arrive, the phone will be turned off as whilst in the grip of this desease we loose all sense of reality and what we MUST do. You need to sit down with him and say you can only guide him as inevitably its him who needs to stop, he also must want to stop. Its very very difficult for me to offer you much advice as whilst in the grip of gambling I would have swam the channel to play a machine if I had money. Most compulsive gamblers when in action dont trust themselves so wont trust someone else but you need to have the chat. Do not feel to blame for this desease, it is one way out of your control. He needs to follow a different path and the only way to do that is to admit being powerless over gambling and start a new chapter in therapy and life.

I am sorry my advice cannot be to much and I am sorry for your situation, may I suggest saying to him why not pay his wages into your account and you control paying the bills, but he must be following a progeramme of recovery at this time and I hope he will see a better life lay ahead.

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