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Relapse again
Hi there. I am a compulsive gambler and have been fighting this disease for about 3 years now. I have not gambled for about 2 months and then last night I was bored. Alone at home. Nothing to do and all of these urges came flooding into my head.

I kept telling myself not to gamble. Not to do Anything. But the urges got stronger and stronger. I got changed and went to the casino. Was there for about 3 hours fromthe start chasing losses.

I feel like such an idiot. I have a good job and have spent the past few months getting out of my overdraft saving money for Christmas and holidays and have blown it all. I feel pathertic that a gambling addiction has more power over my brain than I have.

There are no meetings near to where I live so I have to do this on my own. One day at a time. I cannot say that yesterday will be the last time I will gamble as I have promised myself that so many times. However I am going to try my best.

I feel gutted. But. I will recover and I will sort my life out again.
Hey LT,
Sorry to hear of your slip.

There is a saying that willpower alone cannot stop us from gambling. Even if not near to a "meeting" many people log on to the live chat room and chat how they are feeling...sole purpose "not to gamble"

If you were bored at home last night it would have been much cheaper to log on line, chat to others, share those urges and not act upon them.

I had a dream last night I wish to share with you and this is real not just because I read your story. I was asleep last night and went into this dream where Christmas was coming and I had money to buy all my gifts...I went out and watched as the money was pilled into a one arm bandit.

I woke up just as my mind was running where do I borrow some cash to buy gifts, what excuse do I make??

Fortunaltely that was just a dream and yes it was a reminder of how I spent every christmas before I said "enough is enough"

Urges...we all have...we get bored. But I hate gambling....I hate what it has deprived me of....I hate what I could have been away from the desease.

I dont want to be that person who arrives with no gifts for parents and family...I want to be normal. Normal comes from following a path, a path of admission that I simply cannot act upon any urge.

Dont be defeated!!! draw some strength again....


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