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Can I find recovery and a healthier way of living
#1
My name is Dave. I am a compulsive Gambler! Today my pains from my past are being nurtured and healed, my fears willingly faced and frustrations resolved by accepting the understanding of the serenity wisdom and I live a much healthier spiritual life today, I am healthier and stronger in myself than ever before in my life simply JUST one day at a time.

For me my recovery was my responsibility and only by my actions would I change from unhealthy habits to healthy habits.

Money and gambling were all consuming and I felt I was being controlled by the gambling that I was a victim of the gambling and how could I go against my own conscience and against my spiritual values.

For me it was very much fear based, getting drunk was also fear based because I did not feel comfortable in myself.

People will often give up one addiction or obsession and go to another addiction or obsession, some might even be all consumed by worrying about money or the lack of money.

Today I am equal to all people, my past actions are not who I am today or what I am today, yes I abstain yet if that is all I do then I would not be reducing the chances of going back to addictions or obsessions again.

Money and gambling were not my problem I was the problem, because I could not process pain fear frustrations loneliness or boredom in a healthy way I use to want to escape from myself.

Can I laugh at myself today? Can I say I have forgiven myself today? Can I say that I no longer feel guilty or shame due to my unhealthy actions in the past? Is gambling one of the least important things in my life today? Do I feel that gambling today has the same appeal to me as dog crap does?

The gambling establishments never hurt me I did it to myself. The gambling establishments never stole from my family I did. The gambling establishments never lied and made my family cry I did. The gambling establishments never let my family down I did.

Why did I react so badly to over one and everything? Why did I get angry so quickly? Why did I have such high expectations of others and was always disappointed?

As a child I was able to heal and nurture my pain so easily how could I lose the ability to heal nurture pain and get on with my life today?

The person I feared facing the most was myself, the person who had less faith and hope in the most was myself, even when I started to change in recovery I was not used to being proud and confident in myself.

You take away the money and the fuel for gambling it does not take away the cause of why you wanted to escape to the gambling.

The consequences of pain is fears, every fear I have today is due to a painful experience in my past often from my childhood.

For me the worst kind of emotional abuse was humiliating and belittling of myself, yet people in the old days use to think it would strengthen us up and we would learn to cope with pain.

Causing pain to another person goes against all spiritual values.

The recovery program is spiritual program and that is all about healthy interactions with all people, I often meet with unhealthy people with unhealthy attitudes and I understand there are living in the pains of their past.

The spiritual values stand alone from every religion and are about us getting on with all people.

Once I stayed in recovery and did it for myself my life would never be the same again. Yes recovery helps us think with more clarity but the big thing about recovery it changes how we feel about our self.

At one time money and gambling were my main focus in life and at that time I felt that I was worth less than dog crap, today I am the most important person in my life, that gambling feels like it is lower than dog crap and money comes least important my family friends and people who I love are worth more than any money at all.

What I found out was that every action has consequences, when in an unhealthy addiction or obsession the consequences of my actions were unhealthy.

Once I became less filled with fear I was able to do more things with my time and those healthy actions had healthy consequences, and when I learned to take full responsibility for my actions I became proud of my actions.

Spiritual actions and spiritual cause us to feel proud in our self and if we are strong no one will be able to take that feeling of pride away from us.

The same way when we become strong no matter how many people say they have gambled, no matter how many people say they have lied, our confidence and our recovery will not lose ground and our confidence in our self will not be lost.

Often when people see people more than equals they think their recovery is due to another person doing, that is not healthy, every action that every person does in their growth and their recovery is their responsibility.

It is important that people in recovery see each other as equals. Honesty is very important part of recovery and healthy relationships.

Some people found by that by risk taking gave them adrenaline highs, sadly that can be going against spiritual values and people risking them self and others by having risky or dangerous sex.

For some people it seems impossible to slow down the pace of their life, but it is very important part of recovery, I was reminded by Shirley to enjoy the journey and in time I got the message it was just not about my driving either.

Long time in to my recovery a person not in recovery described me as an accident looking for some where to happen, sadly there were not talking about my driving and I did not understand what that person was saying to me?

I went and did Karate for over two years to find out I feared aggression and confrontation. That fear was due to my mother and father when I was a very young child having aggression and confrontation towards each other and also towards me some times.

Aggression and confrontation broken down is about people transferring their pains fears and frustrations on to other people and also trying to control another person behavior and way of thinking and even try to change person beliefs.

As obsessive and addictive people we even try to make other people responsible for our actions, if you did not say this or do that I would have not done that?

Do I understand today the deeper reasons behind each one of the spiritual values and actions today, that each spiritual value embraced is important in to my character building such as healthy unconditional loving unconditional giving forgiving apologizing caring trusting trust worthy patience tolerance humility sincere honest faithful loyal optimistic self assured and well self balanced punctual courteous respectful considerate grateful content productive creative constructive nurturing sharing encouraging optimistic cooperative aware content stable humble open minded self confident calm proud love and serene.

How much time energy and effort am I willing to invest and put in to my maturing and my recovery today? Am I selfish today? To right I am.

Love and peace to everyone.

Dave.
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#2
Well written and expressed!!
Wishes
Helen
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#3
Dave,
Not much to add to all of that!!

Apart from well done!!

Keep understanding yourself and those around you.

Barrie
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