02-12-2010, 07:25 PM
My name is Dave of Beckenham. I am a compulsive Gambler! Today my pains from my past are being nurtured and healed, my fears willingly faced and frustrations resolved by accepting the understanding of the serenity wisdom and I live a much healthier spiritual life today, I am healthier and stronger in myself than ever before in my life simply JUST one day at a time.
Welcome to anyone wishing to join the spiritual healing program, in time after listening eventually we learn that having an addiction is a way of us hurting our self one way or another.
It is important to me to be stable balanced focused and learn more and more about myself.
I walked in to the spiritual recovery program thinking the only problems I had was money and gambling problems.
Long before my addictions and addictions I had become cynical mistrusting and had low self esteem and lack of confidence in myself.
What I did not understand was that due to fact I could not cope with the feelings of pain fear frustrations loneliness or boredom I use to want to escape facing my own feelings in one way or another.
Feeling vulnerable and have triggers I would learn more about once I really got to any depth in to step one.
Eventually over time I open up and talk about the money lost and the stories behind my unhealthy actions.
When I walked in to recovery money and gambling were my main focus yet if you asked me I would have told you that my family were number one in my life.
So money and gambling were my main focus, then after family friends low down on the list I was lower than dog crap.
Now some people think you started to feel that way after we started to get involved with addictions and obsession, sadly for me my emotional issues started from early on in my child hood.
Often I would question spiritual values, what were they, and like many I associated spiritual values were religious values.
Spiritual values stand alone from any religion, we were born with spiritual values which our own conscience is based up on.
Sadly when we go against spiritual values and go against our own conscience we cause our self pain.
As we open up and expose more of our self often we are able to see things in others which we identify as being unhealthy that we recognize that we do or say our self.
Only once we recognize the unhealthy habits can we do something about changing in our self.
I am a creature of habit, and some might say that is just an obsession habit, I think we get in to habits because we become we feel comfortable with regular habits.
Changing from unhealthy habits in to healthy habits takes time and we need to come out of our comfort zone.
The wording of recovery is that we learn to help our self, I view recovery like buying a manual to fix a car with a problem, just reading the book or text is not enough, recovery is only a guide as to how we can help our self, reading the books is not enough we need to put the wisdom in to practice in our life.
Some people view 90 days as a long time, now today after being in and out of recovery over forty years for some that seems a life time.
Yet would I be attending recovery program for so long if it did not work?
Recovery program helps you stop going in to panic mode so eaily and helps you think more clearly, yet the biggest impact is that when you work recovery you change how you feel about your self and how much more you value your self.
At one time I use to think that I was worth less than dog crap, now for me gambling is worth less than dog crap and I am number priority, only once I helped myself could I help anyone else.
As we go through the steps we will learn more about our self, some fear step four because they feel it is about being punished or punishing our self for the consequences of our unhealthy actions.
Step four helps us understand what is healthy and unhealthy actions and for us to make a conscious decision to embrace even more the healthy spiritual values we already have within our self.
But to make a conscious decision to move from unhealthy habits so we can improve the relationship we have with our self and the relationship we have with all other people.
What we learn that every time we lie we have no choice but to live in fear, never quite understood the saying honesty is the best policy I use to think that was a load of crap.
Healthy relationships are based up on honesty, any kind of holding back in any way due to pain fear resentments vengeance guilt shame facades means we cheat our self of healthy relationships.
Who is the real Dave? Am I still suppressing and burying pain today or am I processing and healing pain the way my inner child was able to do in the first early years of life.
For me being angry stressed out nervous worrying lying misery anxiety were and are today all fear based issues, yet it took me a long time to identify my fears an right tem down and then understand the source of those fears.
I met with a very special Doctor surgeon who was very honest and open with me about my growth.
He and another doctor surgeon agreed it was one of the largest growths they had seen which goes from my right elbow and extends in to lower part of my arm pit.
The likely hood of fatty tissue turning in to cancerous material is less than 5%, but sadly the big concern is removing the fatty tissue from the nerves and from the muscles and also from the main heart blood vessels that come out from the heart.
I have biopsy set for 7th December and once they have biopsy result they then decide how much material they need to cut and remove.
If it cancerous even though it is at this time very small they would remove more muscle tissue and they need to in making sure cancer does not come back.
Of course if radiation is found and then larger loss of muscle tissue will mean my right arm will become the weaker arm.
I suppose one they cut out the fat I could say I have lost weight?
I have told Shirley my wife and my son Mark so they know everything they need to know.
Time will tell, I have advised surgeon I put my full trust in him so my part is done, I am going to be put out for two hours which is time required to remove unhealthy tissue.
I always sleep very well after operations, I feel it is the only time I get to get deep sleep and feel fully refreshed.
Do I understand today the deeper reasons behind each one of the spiritual values today, that each spiritual value embraced is important in to my character building such as healthy unconditional loving unconditional giving forgiving apologizing caring trusting trust worthy patience tolerance humility sincere honest faithful loyal optimistic self assured and well self balanced punctual courteous respectful considerate grateful content productive creative constructive nurturing sharing encouraging optimistic cooperative aware content stable humble open minded self confident calm proud love and serene.
Love and peace to everyone.
Dave
Welcome to anyone wishing to join the spiritual healing program, in time after listening eventually we learn that having an addiction is a way of us hurting our self one way or another.
It is important to me to be stable balanced focused and learn more and more about myself.
I walked in to the spiritual recovery program thinking the only problems I had was money and gambling problems.
Long before my addictions and addictions I had become cynical mistrusting and had low self esteem and lack of confidence in myself.
What I did not understand was that due to fact I could not cope with the feelings of pain fear frustrations loneliness or boredom I use to want to escape facing my own feelings in one way or another.
Feeling vulnerable and have triggers I would learn more about once I really got to any depth in to step one.
Eventually over time I open up and talk about the money lost and the stories behind my unhealthy actions.
When I walked in to recovery money and gambling were my main focus yet if you asked me I would have told you that my family were number one in my life.
So money and gambling were my main focus, then after family friends low down on the list I was lower than dog crap.
Now some people think you started to feel that way after we started to get involved with addictions and obsession, sadly for me my emotional issues started from early on in my child hood.
Often I would question spiritual values, what were they, and like many I associated spiritual values were religious values.
Spiritual values stand alone from any religion, we were born with spiritual values which our own conscience is based up on.
Sadly when we go against spiritual values and go against our own conscience we cause our self pain.
As we open up and expose more of our self often we are able to see things in others which we identify as being unhealthy that we recognize that we do or say our self.
Only once we recognize the unhealthy habits can we do something about changing in our self.
I am a creature of habit, and some might say that is just an obsession habit, I think we get in to habits because we become we feel comfortable with regular habits.
Changing from unhealthy habits in to healthy habits takes time and we need to come out of our comfort zone.
The wording of recovery is that we learn to help our self, I view recovery like buying a manual to fix a car with a problem, just reading the book or text is not enough, recovery is only a guide as to how we can help our self, reading the books is not enough we need to put the wisdom in to practice in our life.
Some people view 90 days as a long time, now today after being in and out of recovery over forty years for some that seems a life time.
Yet would I be attending recovery program for so long if it did not work?
Recovery program helps you stop going in to panic mode so eaily and helps you think more clearly, yet the biggest impact is that when you work recovery you change how you feel about your self and how much more you value your self.
At one time I use to think that I was worth less than dog crap, now for me gambling is worth less than dog crap and I am number priority, only once I helped myself could I help anyone else.
As we go through the steps we will learn more about our self, some fear step four because they feel it is about being punished or punishing our self for the consequences of our unhealthy actions.
Step four helps us understand what is healthy and unhealthy actions and for us to make a conscious decision to embrace even more the healthy spiritual values we already have within our self.
But to make a conscious decision to move from unhealthy habits so we can improve the relationship we have with our self and the relationship we have with all other people.
What we learn that every time we lie we have no choice but to live in fear, never quite understood the saying honesty is the best policy I use to think that was a load of crap.
Healthy relationships are based up on honesty, any kind of holding back in any way due to pain fear resentments vengeance guilt shame facades means we cheat our self of healthy relationships.
Who is the real Dave? Am I still suppressing and burying pain today or am I processing and healing pain the way my inner child was able to do in the first early years of life.
For me being angry stressed out nervous worrying lying misery anxiety were and are today all fear based issues, yet it took me a long time to identify my fears an right tem down and then understand the source of those fears.
I met with a very special Doctor surgeon who was very honest and open with me about my growth.
He and another doctor surgeon agreed it was one of the largest growths they had seen which goes from my right elbow and extends in to lower part of my arm pit.
The likely hood of fatty tissue turning in to cancerous material is less than 5%, but sadly the big concern is removing the fatty tissue from the nerves and from the muscles and also from the main heart blood vessels that come out from the heart.
I have biopsy set for 7th December and once they have biopsy result they then decide how much material they need to cut and remove.
If it cancerous even though it is at this time very small they would remove more muscle tissue and they need to in making sure cancer does not come back.
Of course if radiation is found and then larger loss of muscle tissue will mean my right arm will become the weaker arm.
I suppose one they cut out the fat I could say I have lost weight?
I have told Shirley my wife and my son Mark so they know everything they need to know.
Time will tell, I have advised surgeon I put my full trust in him so my part is done, I am going to be put out for two hours which is time required to remove unhealthy tissue.
I always sleep very well after operations, I feel it is the only time I get to get deep sleep and feel fully refreshed.
Do I understand today the deeper reasons behind each one of the spiritual values today, that each spiritual value embraced is important in to my character building such as healthy unconditional loving unconditional giving forgiving apologizing caring trusting trust worthy patience tolerance humility sincere honest faithful loyal optimistic self assured and well self balanced punctual courteous respectful considerate grateful content productive creative constructive nurturing sharing encouraging optimistic cooperative aware content stable humble open minded self confident calm proud love and serene.
Love and peace to everyone.
Dave