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What did I not understand about STEP ONE?
My name is Dave of Beckenham. I am a compulsive Gambler! Today my pains from my past are being nurtured and healed, my fears willingly faced and frustrations resolved by accepting the understanding of the serenity wisdom and I live a much healthier spiritual life today, I am healthier and stronger in myself than ever before in my life simply JUST one day at a time.

For me it took far too long to accept step one completely yet it is simple enough, honesty acceptance surrender and understanding emotionally why my life was unmanageable, what were my triggers emotionally and what were my triggers emotionally.

People use to say that they use to escape to gambling yet would not admit any fears to them self.

One very useful expression was that a person use to numb out gambling, that while in action they did not have to face any of their feelings.

I was born with the spiritual values of being completely fearless, I was born with the spiritual values of being completely and embarrassingly honest, I could give of myself unconditionally, I trusted every one and I was able to nurture and heal pain very quickly.

Then out of teenage years I became very cynical very disillusioned and feared being honest could not process and heal pain face my fears or understand my frustrations.

You walk in to recovery somehow thinking and feeling uncomfortable not able to admit even the basic fears and it takes time to talk about money lost and money wasted away.

You hear war stories time and time again, you know the amount of money lost, you get to know the same jokes, yet no one talks about healing relationships, how to make amends and repair damaged relationship.

How to cope with unhealthy people around you, why could I not tell people close to me that I loved them, why did I lie when I did not need to lie, why did I color things to make them sound more grand, why did I try to impress people, why did I think that by giving money and gifts was the only way to show I loved people or was sorry for my unhealthy actions.

I crossed the line and talked about my feelings when I l felt most vulnerable and more importantly how to process those feeling so that I no longer felt vulnerable any more.

Exchanging unhealthy habits to healthy habits takes time and I needed to do it slowly.

My wants and need to do lists were very important it is all about goal setting for today and my future.

I could tell the difference between my wants and needs on walking in to recovery, I did not think I needed or wanted spiritual recovery program, now I both want and need spiritual recovery program.

Most reasons for not interacting with people in a healthy spiritual way were due to my fears lack of confidence and my low self esteem, sadly the only way to boost our confidence is by doing healthy spiritual action, there is no quick fix to building our confidence.

I was very weak and lost on walking in to recovery program, I felt lower than dog crap in those days and felt that the gambling controlled me in so many ways.

Once I surrendered to the fact I was completely beaten made my life very much easier. That every time I gambled I just made my life worse than before.

Now gambling has the value of dog crap to me, I do not hate the gambling establishments; if I resent them I only hurt myself.

IT would be nice to no longer worry about money, yet if I had all the money in the world it is possible I would lose the desire to achieve things in life for myself.

Everyone has their idea what success is all about, at one time I thought that being rich and having material things in my life was most important.

Sadly I even use to think that successful people were focused on money all the time, I now understand that people set their goals to succeed in what they do no matter what it is.

That money was the reward for being successful.

My ambition at the end of my life is to be a gentleman. That does not sound like much yet to me it is very important.

I enjoy the fact that people can be completely honest with me and no longer fear me that is very powerful, because of the pains fear and frustrations in the past I use to be ion that emotional rollercoaster ride I was like jackal and hide in those days.

I am more stable these days and do not get angry the way I use to get angry, one thing that use to scare was meeting myself as I use to be in the old days. Negative attitude did not cover how much pain fear and frustrations I use to carry with me all the time.

I do not hate myself today.

I understand that I am responsible for my happiness, I understand that I am responsible for my anger, I understand that I am responsible for healing my pains, I understand that I am responsible to face my fears and I understand that I am responsible for my goals and my spiritual progress.

It is very powerful to start from nothing and do the simplest of things and then give yourself approval and credit and even once you embrace spiritual values start to feel pride in yourself.

Once you gain pride in yourself no one can take it from you, over time I have made a king size bed for Shirley and did the design myself.

I had one idea that I patented and am now working on my second patent.

One thing that came out of training was to keep your goals to yourself or to only share with goal setting people, because unhealthy people will try to undermine you for all sorts of reasons.

Will the normal person understand the recovery program? Not likely is it?

Sadly as life goes faster and faster people have less time for themselves and less time for other people. Less caring over all.

Sharing on the web site is part of life for me. Not a duty today no hesitations it just spills out.

We often talk about the conscious mind, and then we grasp the subconscious mind, and then there is the concept and idea of the super conscious mind, Bryan Tracey talks about it.

It can be hard to accept if you fully understand your own serenity and understand that having expectations of others is not healthy because we are often disappointed having expectations of others.

Yet super conscious implies we have the ability to have things happen we cannot explain? Very weird concept. Yet for many people it works very well.

Do I understand today the deeper reasons behind each one of the spiritual values today, that each spiritual value embraced is important in to my character building such as healthy unconditional loving unconditional giving forgiving apologizing caring trusting trust worthy patience tolerance humility sincere honest faithful loyal optimistic self assured and well self balanced punctual courteous respectful considerate grateful content productive creative constructive nurturing sharing encouraging optimistic cooperative aware content stable humble open minded self confident calm proud love and serene.

How much more effort and energy am I willing to put in to my recovery and spiritual growth today?

Love and peace to everyone.


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