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Why do we Gamble.....
Hey all readers!
If you have visited this website looking for questions as to why you gamble or should I say why you loose or your a partner/wife/husband/mother/father of a compulsive gambler then i urge you to read on.

This site is my therapy, whats therapy you may ask?? Therapy to me is reading and helping others so that today and just for today I will not gamble, in not gambling a character change comes about that slowly removes the defects gained from gambling and replaces them with a greater self control.

My story is a long one of pain, destruction and hurt that effected others but today i write as a reminder to myself why I can never choose to go back to gambling, why i must keep the strength to live "day by day"

My name is Barrie and I am a compulsive gambler...these words are embedded in my mind as an answer to the question I always had: Why do I gamble?? I never won, I was terrible at gambling, if I won I went on to loose, debt followed, strife followed, sleepless nights, stress and questioning everything and everyone but myself.

I questioned my childhood, my father, everyone but me.

A lot of things werent lies they were things that happened, things that effected me, but slowly maturity arrives with not gambling and slowly that character change means you can accept many things much easier.

I could ask did I gamble to maintain my character, carefree personality?

Did I gamble to escape the pressures of the real world?

Did I gamble because I secretly enjoyed the highs and lows, the sadistic nature?

Did I gamble because it was easy money?

Did I gamble as I wanted something for nothing?

Did i gamble because I was selfish?

There could be a thousand questions but really there is only one true answer: I gambled because I am a compulsive gambler.

Can I control gambling by willpower? Im sure the answer is no, I think I told myself a tousand times not next pay day.

So how do I change? How do I accept I am a compulsive gambler? How do i live a normal life? How do know I am a compulsive gambler?

While my friends were talking about Gfs and cars I was talking about the "win" I had, the forgotten man, the one easy to know and easy to forget, was I a nice guy?? not at all....I had a relationship effected by gambling.... where are those friends??

But change came in understanding the following saying "God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference"

Im not religious and have never believed in God but that saying bears the greatest impact on my life:

Did my parents bring me to this world to steal from others? did getting drunk solve my compulsion to gamble?

let me break down that saying in my mind as it interprets it:

The first word "God" is in my opinion someone greatly more important than me (a higher power)

"grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change" I have accepted I will always be a compulsive gambler, that means when im in action I will continually crave to be in action if I have fuel ie money.

"the courage to change the things I can" well I did this after a lot of soul searching about who I am, who I should be and where I would like one day to end up.

"the wisdom to know the difference" so if I have cash and am in bookies I will bet!! If I dont have the cash, my partner has and I have barred myself from the bookies.Surely this means to draw a line on what is past and what is future.....

For all those who read this post as they search this site for answers or at a low as they have lost money or are in strife. The answer to my question why do we gamble? became why dont i gamble?

Why dont i gamble? because it brings me pain, suffering, it took my pride, my dignity, my self respect and just for today I will hold my head high and say I didnt the morning i will look in the mirror and say today i wont gamble and when i rest my head down to sleep I will take comfort in the following:

Today I was not selfish.
Today I acted with pride in my work
Today I did what I said I would do.
Tonight i will sleep without fear until tommorow.

Being a compulsive gambler myself i will never trust another compulsive gambler the desease thats embedded in my mind will stay till the day I die. I know where this desease will go, where it takes you, where it will end up.

But my question and I repeat Why do we gamble has been replaced by why I dont gamble.

Simply because I cannot!!

If your a compulsive gambler then you know that you are, you know that you cannot stop and I am not syaing i care if you gamble today, I care however that you dont.

I care that you woke up and said what is gone is gone I will never beat what I cannot beat, I admitt defeat and today I wont gamble.

I hope you all have a nice Chrismas and if its a time to face up to your fears and understand the below I hope this is a good time to do this.

God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change the courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference

My name is Barrie i am a compulsive gambler and I dont need to answer my subject question anymore as I lived "just for today"

Merry Christmas and a Gambling free 2011

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