My husband is a gambler - HELP!

[windy]

I have just come on to this webside and read two posts. My partner and I have been together for twenty years, he is an intelligent man and I will never understand his logic because as far as gambling is concerned it is an addiction and an illness. I have tried many times and so have family members to help and get him to gamblers anonymous but says "I have not got a problems" HOW MANY TIMES HAVE WE ALL HEARD THIS? I am now at the bottom of the montain yet again. He has lost all his money when he got paid last week on the roulette machine in the bookies. I would say from my experience that a gambler has to get to a rock bottom situation and if you have children get out and leave, unless they promise to get help.

My life is ruined and now I am getting on in years and wished to god when he would not get help that I would have got out years ago... Please do not waste your lives as I have. I have tried everying. NOW I AM FINALLY OUT AND BELIEVE THE ONLY WAY HE WILL COME OUT OF THIS IS TO LET HIM GET TO ROCK BOTTOM DESPERATION POINT, THEN AND ONLY THEN WILL SOMETHING HAPPEN. my PARTNER WILL NEVER STOP. I have had all the excuses I have had all the blame so please do not feel alone. Gambling is an addiction and an illness, a lot of people do not understand. Gamblers anonymous is a wonderful group to help people but only if you can get them there.

The government needs to step in to helpm all these people who are so vulnerable but unfortunately gamblers create a lot of revenue for this country.

Bookmakers should not be allowed these DAM MACHINES and they should all be banned. I wish you all the luck in the world but you have to be strong and I know the pain this causes. You must threaten to leave if they dobn not go for treatment or you will end up wastine 20 years of your life like me.

[justme]

oh, my god you sound like me ... i have had this for 20 years i cant offer any help but your not alone its a big thing to carry around with you the lies ect and its constant i am going to go to a GA meating to see if i can help myself just big hugs to you my love

[sv]

Hi i am in a very similar position to the person above. My husband is in the army and he has a serious gambling problem. We have our own house that we only managed to keep as i was working and took care of the bills. My husband has put me through hell to the point where i had no money to buy baby milk!! Over the past couple of years he has improved mainly because i have control of nearly all the money and we have been sent abroad so less opportunity. I know now that he has been secretly gambling and am gutted. It is not as much as before but to me the smallest amount is devastating. He does not see it like this and thinks he can only do it a little bit without it being a problem when i know this is not the case. I am scared about coming back to the UK as i suspect things will go back to how they were before. We have two young children and i cannot cope with the anger involved with the addiction. My husband can be very aggressive when gambling and will lie all the time. How many people actually give this addiction up forever? I am seriously considering leaving my husband as i cannot deal with the hiding everything away and worrying about money all the time. He hates me bringing up the past as he argues he cannot move on if i do this, however i am the one working hard to pay off the debts and feel that if i am to do this he should not gamble at all. My concern is that as soon as my husband has access to money he gambles it. I do not feel that he has overcome his problem because of this reason, things have only improved as i have control of most of the money!! I really would appreicate some help as this has been going on for nearly 7 years and i do not know what to do. I am reaching the lowest point not him and i feel i am the only one suffering as his family know the extent of his problem but do not talk to him about it.

[Winnie]

Hi There,

Naiviely I wasn't sure as a Gamanon member if I could particiate on here

My partner is a gambler , but has not gambled since 7th January 2010, he attends GA and myself Gamanon respectively, without it I do not know where we would be today.

Despite attending meetings for over a year I have only recently started reading some of the books given and actually taking on board some of the information.

I could tell you real horror stories and quote enourmous amounts of money, and in my own way in my own time I will write my story.

What I do know is a gambler will never stop until he has reached HIS rock bottom, whatever that maybe.

Attending meetings are really important, in just over a year I have seen so many people come and go and the ones that come back are always in a worse position emotionally and financially.

I don't have the time at the moment to write everything I want but I do want to say that there is hope !!

My world fell apart 14 months ago, today life is challenging, financially very difficult at times but the difference in my partner and myself is amazing and we are definately in a happier place, my partner has changed so much but its all good.
He has hosted the GA meeting he attends and oftern helps were he can with the phone line, today being one of those days.

To everybody, the gambler and who ever is in their lives stay strong stay focused and believe in yourself.

JUST FOR TODAY - I HOPE EVERYONE HAS THE STRENGTH TO FACE THIS DAY WITH A SMILE

we'll worry about tomorrow when it gets here :-)

With Love x

[Barrieexgambler]

Hi SV,
Welcome to this site. As a partner of a compulsive gambler I feel for you completely. i know whilst in action I was devious, sneaky and showed very little respect to my then partner. It was however for me to realise that it was me who must stop gambling the biggest life changing experience I have had.

I found GA and that showed me the path that I must follow.

I knwo things are hard but you must feel you can confront the gambling and the implications it is having on YOUR life.

Your husband must see what he is doing to you is not good for you and not part of how you want to live life.

I can never really support you emotionally but there is Gamanon for family and people effected by this dreadfull desease you will find people who can help here.

As for your husband he needs to find GA.

Take Care

Barrie