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What shall i do now?
hi i have tried lots of times to stop gambiling on many occasions by myself.including going to meetings .then stopping. to eventully realise that applying what you hear at meetings is the only way...
Firstly thankyou for your post, I can read from your post that you are a very intelectual young man. I like you am a compulsive gambler and for me the slots are my major demon. In this post from me I am going to develop a theory as to why you gamble and as to why you feel you will never stop as I think in my rational mind I have a degree of similarity with you albeit without the degree.

My school years were a breeze, I found everything that was tought to me to be ultra easy, I picked everything up very quickly and could by hyper anylitical and clever. My comprehension of the english language, sports (especially) and general work i could excell witin but the one thing i sadly lacked was ability to focus. My brother wasnt as confident, didnt pick up things as easily and yet wow he was estudious.

He was the one who ended up with the first distinction degree and myself just some GCSE's to my name. Now i dont blame anything to my gambling, I could and believe me I have had some councilling on my issues but now I realise much more about myself and that in part is by only having one bet in four years.

I also realise now we are who we are, no one can change us and we certainly cannot change other people. This is coming from a person who at the age of 17 was already a wayward lad, already a compulsive gambler, I knew it. To me even then a fruit machine was like a beautiful woman with the most beautiful legs, if I saw one i couldnt stop but look and gaze at its invitation into escapism.

I always told myself no, but the poison got deeper and deeper into my veins. By the age of 21 I had already slept rough, hitchiked around the country, to me my family were not there for me, in fact my father even at 18 didnt want me near him.

Between the age of 18-21 I lived with various relatives, well for as long as they could put up with me anyway, why? I worked hard, was polite, thought all was good, well why was I always skint never going anywhere, because i gambled. I returned home on numerous occasions but wasnt fortunate as no sooner had I got home I was soon kicked out.

Sometime in this blur at some stage I remember calling home when I had no food and no money, pleading with mother to help me out, which she did, but knowing my gambling not in cash terms, it was ME who needed to change, not them.

I dont wish to go into the next 8years but In that time I built a very good business whilst skint only to start destroying it by gambling. I also had been to GA, I had also been in periods where I said I dont need GA I just wont gamble, but I think the adrenalin junkie in me just filled every void with something so uterly non comprehendable until finally I would gamble again, bigger and harder because that was normal.

Four years ago I said I dont want normal I cannot have normal, why because I am not normal. I am not a good man, I have done things that would hurt many people, I have borrowed, stolen. But I like you fell into the trap where when not gambling all the time I fell into the trap where I gambled occasionally juts to remind me whilst the rest of the time working (to much). (like your degree)

Now however even though I have only gambled once in this four years and I have done some things that i would never, I bought a car, I have money, but am I happy. Let me tell you once i applied myself to GA and abstained for 6months and I can say that the programme made me a happier person, made me much better person. As now that I am not gambling and working all the time I just feel I am staving off the inevitable, not living.

For me I am happy to have not gambled in this time and just for today I did not gamble but without GA and the fullfillment that brings maybe that is a very lonely path to follow just to hide my fears and insecurities.

Take Care and find the programme, admission is also a way forward.


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