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Gamblers Wife
I would appreciate any advice anyone has to share,

I found out my husband gambled last week and we are now in a bit of debt. When i found out i was supportive and have found a group for him to go to and we are deeling wif his issues together, he said he feels like a big weight has been lifted off his shoulders now i know, the trouble is it has landed onto mine. Its not so much the money that is bothering me although being on the phone trying to sort all that out all week hasnt helped its the trust issue and i feel like a huge part of my love for him has gone.........i feel angry.......i feel stressed........i cry every day!

We havent even been married 6 months and i wonder if i have made a mistake because when i look at him at the minute i dont feel much because i ask myself how much he must have felt about me when he looked me in the eye and lied.....constantly!!!!!! I have a 2 year old that is running me raggid, no friends that understand how i feel and a family who wouldnt understand either, i have started smoking alot again, and i feel like he is giving me no support only feeling sorry for himself, i feel like im breaking down.

Please dont suggest going to a gamanon meeting as the nearest is quite a distance and with my son i couldnt make meetings despite being desperate for someone to give me some answers, i know it will possible help but i just cant go, despite anything we cant afford food at the minute never mind petrol money.

I guess i just want someone to tell me they know how i feel, and i will get back to feeling how i felt about him before! Im so lonely at the minute, i dont know what to do!
Only you can decide if you want to stick by him.If he doesnt go to the GA meetings and do the GA way he will continue to gamble and it will get a whole 100 times worse.But if you are willing to support and help him,hen youve made the 1st steps,but that is for you to decide.Otherwise the other option is to walk away and leave him to sort his gambling out.Only my opinion.Good luck,Andy.
Hi everyone. Firstly daisychain, it is great that you can share what must be a very difficult story to tell in order to help others.
Now my opinion is that a compulsive gambler must not only seriously and honestly want to give up but also admit that they have no power over gambling. When someone relapses is it because they lack one of these ingredients? When someone is forced to go to GA then they may abstain for some time, but they rarely get into true recovery and so always get very strong temptations to go back there.
If anyone’s partner is going to GA without fully committing to it, or even because they are being made to, then keep a VERY close eye on them, and do not place temptation in their way.
Now this may not be nice to hear, and really is just my opinion, but I do believe its true. For true recovery to happen it must be from free will that they come to GA. Without that you will always be battling with them as they battle against their compulsions.
GA rarely gives advice on any topic outside of the literature, but GA members can give their opinion. Whoever gave you the advice to take control of your finances was probably asking you to take away temptation from someone who will succumb to temptation otherwise and I think that was good advice. My wife has slowly given back limited control of our finances to me, but she always has the ability to look at my bank account and question me on what I have spent. That is sufficient for me now. It needed to be more in the early days, but I have earned at least some trust back now.
Whatever you do, protect yourself and your children financially and, as far as possible, emotionally and I really hope things get better for all of you over time - one day at a time.
My name is Chris and I am a compulsive gambler.

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