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Enough is enough
Hi I am new to this and not really sure how to begin or where. I could trace the onset of my gambling addiction to about three years ago when I got into financial difficulties and had no prospect of paying off my debts. I began logging on to bingo sites but it was the instant gratification of the slots which really grabbed me. Bingo was too slow and not instant enough. I began to get bolder wagering larger amounts of money initially on credit card but then on debit card leaving myself with nothing. However three years ago I would have classed myself as a binge gambler if such a term exists, I could go without gambling for a few months and then when I had some surplus money would hit them again. I am no longer a binge gambler. I find myself gambling every week now when I am paid and then having no money for the rest of the week. I am a single mother with one girl and I berate myself every time saying look what you have done. Now I cant take her to the cinema or buy even essentials for us. I have never missed work even when I have sat up all night chasing that elusive win but I have felt so low the next day. I would allow myself to really feel the despair and say is this how you want to feel all the time. Remember this feeling cos it is going to go on and on and on unless you do something to change it but it wasnt obviously enough to make that change. I have cried, I have screamed and at one point I was so low in the depths of this addiction that I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital. I really could not see a way out. I thought this would have been a turning point for me and after I got out of hospital I didnt gamble for possibly nine months. But insidiously it crept back, and I thought yea just a little bet wont hurt, I know how to control it, I know my limits. But the truth is and always will be that I cant control it. I will never ever be able to have one bet and stop. It has total contol over me and I have to work on accepting this fact. I could apportion blame on things in my past which have happened but I choose not to anymore. This illness or addiction is inside me and the emotional emptiness will not be filled by a win on a slot machine. It has now been eight days since I gambled and I have to say that I havent really thought about gambling at all this past week.I pray that this positivity will last and take things a day at a time. Thanks for listening.

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