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Why didn't I come here years ago?
I am Gregg, I am 29 years old and a compulsive gambler. My last bet was Sunday 3rd April.
I have always had many issues in my life, depression, alcohol/recreational drug abuse, irrational behaviour, I am manipulative & selfish to the extreme. I thought I was wired up wrong, I thought it was genetics but I now know that all of the issues in my life are due to gambling. I only realised this today. This forum has been so beneficial already.
I have gambled since I can remember, my Nan & Grandad taking me to the coast from a very early age & spending most nights in the arcade or bingo halls. I loved it.
I left school at 16 (despite above average grades) and went to work, my wages would be gone every Friday before I even made it home from work. I would borrow money to survive a basic existence, then do it all again the following week.
13 years on and I'm worse than ever, I gamble EVERYTHING on ANYTHING.
I spent the whole of Mothers Day in an arcade, I didnt even call my Mum, let alone see her. I spent every available penny and contemplated crashing the car on the way home to avoid dealing with it.
That is my biggest problem....DEALING WITH IT. I have never been good with facing up to my demons, I am the classic head burier. When things go wrong I run away, I once left for nearly 3 years because I didnt have the courage to talk to my family. I have not opened a bank statement for the last 5 years.
I will be attending my first GA meeting on Wednesday, I dont feel nervous or aprehensive, I almost wish I was there right now.
I can honestly say that for today I did not gamble. A very rare statement I hope to say everyday.
Well done.1 day at a time is all we can all do.I gambled for 25 years and never thought I could go 1 day without a bet,totally in the grasp of the hideous disease,but fortunately ive managed to stay clean for 317 days now,all down to GA and doing it the GA way.
You can do it,but just take it slowly,1 minute at a time if need be.It is and always will be hard,just gets less hard if you steer away from any gambling whatsoever.GA meetings are important and if you attend you will succeed in arresting the hideous disease,but just 1 day at a time.Good luck.Andy
Very similar story to mine and firstly congratulations on admission.

Similar to you I blamed everything on "just me" for many years, also left family for 3+yrs. I still continued my balming for many many years and I just want to say how different person I am now.

mine was "my dad beat me, My dad threw me out, i was homeless"

Even the family that I didnt really talk to now say "your a totally different person, much more grounded".

I also now truly believe in a different life, yesterday I wnet to church and truly prayed, prayed that I would do well, prayed for others.

I have "freinds" who will cry if I die, support me while I live and we will always be friends.

I truly know I owe gratitude to GA and those who have changed there lives because of it.

Firstly, so many thanks for the support guys....much appreciated.

I attended my first ga meeting last night, made me realise that I would never be able to beat this disease alone and also that I will never be watching champions league football on a wednesday again.

I have felt so much better about life in general today that I have not felt a single urge. I know it's early days but I can only take one day at a time.

I have also made the step of telling those closest to me the severity of my problems.
It wasn't all hugs & kisses but I was amazed to find that realtionships are so much stronger than what my warped mind had led me to believe.

I urge anyone reading this who hasn't already to attend the next possible meeting, you will only understand if you take the step.
Also, I never thought so much good could come out of just being honest. I have lied so much I didn't even know the truth but with every truth it feels a little weight lifts.
Day 4, no bet, no lies.

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