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last chance
hi,decided to try and tackle my 33year gambling habbit following a relapse in the last 7days which has cost me hundreds.wental6weeks without going in the bookies then, stupidly had a few bets on the grand national,which obviously lost then decided to chase my losses losing more money on a football match 2night.i feel physically sick and so annoyed with myself that 2morrow i am attending my first g a meeting.i just hope and pray i can recover from this evil demon which has been an integral part of my life for so first bet was a successfull yankee at the age 14 whilst i was at home sick an off dad and older brother encouraged my first bet which was set me on a life of misery where istole money off my family,friends,school,employers and robbing propertys ect.i lied ,cheated, decieved did some horrible things to people who cared and loved me.i feel so ashamed of myself i feel i should be dead and felt like ending it so many times but couldn.t cause i am such a despicable coward.i v almost led a double life realy yet some people still think am a decent bloke.i ended up being sent to a detention center in 1980 but still did not laern my lesson,immiedately going back in the bookies losing all my and other peoples money,indeed my dad used to call me ;the bookies best friend.ho i wish he would have protected me from the evils of gambling.i have lovely kids and a beautiful grandson and it would break my heart if they started gambling .i would do anything and i mean anything to protect them from the misery i and others suffered through my selfish gambling.i just hope and pray that its not to late to stop this evil which has pretty much destroyed my life and negstivly impacted on others.
hi big daveand anyone else who took the time to read my depressing story.still intend going 2night but asi sit here just finishing mi dinner i,m tempted 2 go to the oddschecker website and see if thers a good thing that i can double up on and get mi money back and never have a bet again[how pathetic and sad is that] a just know am gonna fight this evil for the rest of my can probably tell already that my genrel outlook on life is negative having been the product of 2 very negative parents who i have both loathed and at times blamed them for my unhappy life.i know they both love me very much and deep in my heart i love them to and believe me that was hard to say.dont know why i,m talking all this stuff about my emotinal attachments but some were along the line i,m convinced there still feeling guilty and annoyed with myself and thinking of how ican punnish myself although not much hurts anymore as over the years i,v devolped internal emotions where ican just shut down my feelings.through my stealing from an early childhood days i recieved lots of violent beatings from my father ,been black an blue from his thick grey leather belt but probably even worst was my older brother who bullied me into stealing but at the time i would of done absolutely anything for him and his attention,i thought he was my hero ,unfortunately it took along time towork out he was just using an abus,ing me.looks like i,v got a lot of unresolved stuff i need to dump.anyway at least am not gonna look at that evil website.going football 2morrow and not gonna have abet on the outcome etc so find more enjoyable.sorry for this negative post,just want to say the things that are in my mind right now.gonna do some housework now ,leavethe telly off and try to not watch c4 racing.think this may be helping me .would appreciate any advice
Hi CoachBoy,

You are asking for advice,and I fistly have to say that most advice on this site is only the persons personal opinion based on personal experiences. And so is mine, as I am not a professional therapist or anything like that.

There is one thing that has helped me enormously though. You said you wanted to get back "your" money. I used to think tht way but then had to rethink it.#

If you bought a loaf of bread would you think "the grocer has MY money" ????? Why was I thinking the betting shop had my money then? Once I gave it to him (he didn't need to steal it, or threaten me for it) it was his to keep and do as he wants with. I had to stop thinking that anyone else had my money. They didn't. They had their money, and, if I had any at all, the money in my pocket and bank was the only money that was "mine".

This was a massive change for me, but it is the right way to think, and gave me a lot of peace.

I hope this helps you in your recovery. It did me, but hey, this is just my opinion. You will have to make up your own mind.

My name is Chris, and my last bet was on 26th October 2009.
big dave an chris,thanks to both of you for your advice and chris you are absolutely right;they dont have my money as you say i gave it to them,i think i,m still angry and wanting to blame someone else as usual.well i attended my first meeting last night and first of all can i sincerly thank all the members present for welcoming me with open arms and making me feel relaxed and not judging me.the meeting seemed to fly past but i listenend to the other members views intently and can honestly say that so much of their experiences were real situations i could emotionaly connect with and feel their pains guilt and embarrassment.indeed i got an opportunity to briefly say my story and i now thank god and pray that this is the begining of my journey to recovery.despite telling the room what disgusting and cowardly things i,ve done whilst engaging in reckless selfish gambling in the bookies i actually felt better while driving home.i know this weekend will be difficult for me not to gamble as there are so many sporting events taking place but as yet i have resisted the temptation of looking at the odds comparison websites.decided i am going to go to another meeting next friday but equally know the days until then are going to be difficult days.once again many thanks to all who read and responded to my post.
brian,compulsive gambler.last bet april 14,2011.

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