24-04-2011, 01:15 PM
SATURDAY 23/04/2011 WAS THE DAY WHERE I SAID TO MYSELF WHAT ARE YOU DOING !!!!
I have been struggling with gambling most of my life realy and i have tryed many times to stop but i always seem to fail with it i first decided i needed to stop gambling on the 20th of september 2010 and i managed to stop untill the 4th of november then i had a slip on the way to my meeting at chester i remember the journey home after i had been gambling for the first time in in like 6 weeks i felt sick to my stomach and i had to go home and tell every one what i had done there was a lot of shouting and hard feelings that night but after that day i managed to stop for over 4 months with out going back to gambling was the best 4 months of my life i would have to say for the longest time in my life i felt a normal person then in febuary we had to sell the house because of all the gambling debt and move in to rented and thats when i slipped back in to the same old pattern of gambling i just thought i have lost so much what more can i lose but i still had a lot to live for my family my dogs the mrs but i put gambling befor them all again and found my self gambling into the money that we had left from the sale of the house our last bit of money our last chance to buy a new smaller house eventually u can not gamble that money we have left that is for our future and when that is gone then iam totally wrecked and never stand any chance of having my own house again .
so on saturday after a day of gambling my brains out i decided i needed help i did not want to admit i was beat again i thought i could some how controll my gambling but iam a compulsive gambler and i can never controll it !!! so last night i sat on my bed after losing a lot of money and feeling totally crazy and thought i have to find a way out of this hell b4 its too late !
i got up this morning and all i could think about was gambling and ways to lie so i could get my access to money back that i had handed controll to my mrs i have been climbing the walls all day i feel totally crazy and still iam sitting here thinking of gambling and if only i could just win some money iam kidding my self as no amount of money will be enough for me ... why am i wanting to get money to gamble as i write this it is so sad that iam like a drug addict trying to get my fix ....
i just can not do this any more i need to live i need to feel happy and havea clear head gambling is turning me in to a horrible person and will destroy every thing that i love and push away wvery one who loves me
so if i can just get through today with no gambling then i think tomorrow will get better and so on its just i need to break this cycle that i have found my self in for the last few weeks that i have been gamble like a mad man
i just want gambling thoughs to go away its so hard to fight them
I have been struggling with gambling most of my life realy and i have tryed many times to stop but i always seem to fail with it i first decided i needed to stop gambling on the 20th of september 2010 and i managed to stop untill the 4th of november then i had a slip on the way to my meeting at chester i remember the journey home after i had been gambling for the first time in in like 6 weeks i felt sick to my stomach and i had to go home and tell every one what i had done there was a lot of shouting and hard feelings that night but after that day i managed to stop for over 4 months with out going back to gambling was the best 4 months of my life i would have to say for the longest time in my life i felt a normal person then in febuary we had to sell the house because of all the gambling debt and move in to rented and thats when i slipped back in to the same old pattern of gambling i just thought i have lost so much what more can i lose but i still had a lot to live for my family my dogs the mrs but i put gambling befor them all again and found my self gambling into the money that we had left from the sale of the house our last bit of money our last chance to buy a new smaller house eventually u can not gamble that money we have left that is for our future and when that is gone then iam totally wrecked and never stand any chance of having my own house again .
so on saturday after a day of gambling my brains out i decided i needed help i did not want to admit i was beat again i thought i could some how controll my gambling but iam a compulsive gambler and i can never controll it !!! so last night i sat on my bed after losing a lot of money and feeling totally crazy and thought i have to find a way out of this hell b4 its too late !
i got up this morning and all i could think about was gambling and ways to lie so i could get my access to money back that i had handed controll to my mrs i have been climbing the walls all day i feel totally crazy and still iam sitting here thinking of gambling and if only i could just win some money iam kidding my self as no amount of money will be enough for me ... why am i wanting to get money to gamble as i write this it is so sad that iam like a drug addict trying to get my fix ....
i just can not do this any more i need to live i need to feel happy and havea clear head gambling is turning me in to a horrible person and will destroy every thing that i love and push away wvery one who loves me
so if i can just get through today with no gambling then i think tomorrow will get better and so on its just i need to break this cycle that i have found my self in for the last few weeks that i have been gamble like a mad man
i just want gambling thoughs to go away its so hard to fight them