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hello, my name is Destiny.
I have a boyfriend and he keeps going off to the bookies to place lots of money on a single horse. He keeps getting very violent to me and is spending all his money on gambling, alcohol and Heroin. I'm 5 months pregnant and i'm at the point where i can't cope. HELP!
Hi Destiny,
I m really sorry to hear of your troubles.
Let me start by saying this is just my opinion, and no-one elses.
I am a compulsive gambler and am trying to sort my life out. I am doing this by going to GA every week and following a program of recovery. It has helped me but it only helped after I decided I really needed and WANTED help. I had been told over and over by others that I had a problem, but it was only when I believed that that GA was able to help me.
What I am getting at I suppose is I personnaly believe your boyfriend cannot be helped until, if ever, he admits he is powerless over gambling and genuinely wants help. Until that day ever comes you will suffer more and more of the same abuse. That is what compulsive gamblers do. They cannot help themselves, and heroin too?????
Again, this is only my personal opinion, but you cannot help him, so help yourself. Find a safe place to go and have your child and protect yourself from further harm, both physical and mental. If you do not then you will be sentencing your baby to the same, and I am sure you do not want that.
There is somewhere you can go and meet other partners to comulsive gamblers called GAMANON. If you go to the meetings section from the home page you will find a map of all the meetings. Click on the ones near to you and look to see if any have GAMANON meetings. They may be more help than me.
I wish you well, and please let us know what you decide and how you cope.

My name is Chris and I last gambled on 26th September 2009.
hello chris, thank you so much for your help and adivce.
personally i think it is time for me to leave my boyfriend and be a single parent, i can't cope with the lies of him anymore, he's dragging my confidence down. after a week of sorting this out i have moved out with a friend till its time for him to stop the drugs and gambling and the violence. i hope you too chris have stopped the problems of your gambling <!-- sSmile --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_e_smile.gif" alt="Smile" title="Smile" /><!-- sSmile -->
Hi Destiny,

I am glad to hear you are taking some positive steps. It may not be easy, but change never is.

I wish you well and hope you and your baby have a safe and happy life.
If your partner does sort his life out, please remember that adictions are never fully "sorted". An adiction is for life, and recoveries are delicate slow proesses that take years and years and even then can take you by surprise.
In your situation you will also experience withdrawals which will temp you to go back to him. Please do not until plenty of time has passed to prove his dedication to recovery.

Let me know how things go.

hello chris, i know its not going to be easy but i'm trying my hardest to be away from him. i keep in contact with him to see what he is doing and he asks how me and thre baby are but he tells me he's still going out doing what he is doing. if he carries on this way that i don't want my child to he part of his life.

i don't think i will ever trust him if he stops doing what he is doing because i'll always have doubt that he will go back to what he does. i think i am better on my own!!
Hi Destiny,

I hear what you are saying and think you are seeing the obvious now.

Staying away IS the only way to protect yourself from someone who is unwilling to accept their problems and are unwilling to face them and do something about them. Most comulsive gamblers will tell you how very little they really cared about their children, as the gambling did, does and will always be more important than your children. Even IF he tells you he has stopped it will take a long, long, long time to regain an element of trust but:

There is always some hope! If he does stop, and regularly attends meetings, you will probably be able to see a personality change in him and maybe you will learn to trust a bit. Your child may actually grow up with a father who has time to play with his child and not begrudge spending money on an ice cream. This last one is true whether you stay together or not.

What you decide is entirely up to you, but the decision MUST be linked to his actions.

Just my opinion, but maybe shared by many others??

Take care.


Last bet 26 sep 2009

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