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One last chance
Hi all, my name is nick and I have gambled for the last 26 years...

I have posted on here a couple of years ago that I was at rock bottom and going back to GA but after going for a few months (and not gambling) I then stopped going to the meetings and surprise, surprise gambled again. It has been a horrible 2 years and I am again in a lot of debt with credit cards. I have the most amazing wife and 2 beautiful kids and have risked again losing everything good in my life - when I am gambling I do not think of anything or anyone and just hell bent on getting cash and gambling. Knowing full well I will never win and hating every minute of it - then doing it all again and again..a lonely, sad, pathetic excuse for a life. I have been bankrupt before through gambling but that wasn't enough to stop. By accident my wife found out on thursday april 21st (found my scribblings of what I owed and when I had to try and make minimum payments) and I had to confess that despite promising her I was not gambling I had been for the last 2 years. First of all she asked me to leave which shook me to my bones and I begged to stay for one last chance (I have had so many of them before) and at the moment I am still here and we are trying to get through this together. I feel awful what I have done to her and my children and I know this time I am going to GA for the rest of my life. I believe last time I gave up going to the meetings because I still wanted to gamble - I thought "it would be different this time around" or "this time I will win and won't get into the same mess as last time" or "just bet on golf and football" ! How wrong and stupid that was. Being a compulsive gambler will always be the same life - horrible. Lying, cheating, dis-honest, etc, etc. I went back to GA on the sunday and following tuesday and will go again tonight and looking forward to saying "last gambled on April 20th" and its been a good week. The Swindon GA guys are fantastic (as with all areas) and this time around I will speak / text people to see if they are okay and tell them how I feel, this is something I didn't do last time. I have been to GA 5/6 times on and off over the last 14 years and this time I will make sure I do not get complacent or think I am getting nothing out of the meetings. My wages are now being paid into the joint account and my wife will control the finances (she is happy with this) and I have also spoken to citizen advice. I guess the most important message I want to give here is if you have a gambling problem and want to stop then you have to go to GA - you cannot do it alone. Also if you go and stay clean for months and slip up then get back to a meeting asap - don't leave it as I did. And for anyone who thinks "I might try gambling one more time as it cannot be as bad or I cannot be as unlucky" BELIEVE me it will always be the same !!!! It is a life I do not want anymore and I will not let gambling ruin one more day of my life or my wife and childrens. I am looking forward and not back, I accept I cannot change the past but can sure change the present and the future. I have stayed away from all odds / TV and working on an allotment amongst other things (it is important to fill the space that gambling took up) and keep busy. I have one last chance of a fantastic life with my family and friends and will not blow it this time. I take one day at a time and say to myself in the mirror "just for today I will not gamble". My name is Nick and I am a compulsive gambler, good luck to you all and we should realise how lucky we are to have GA there when we need it.
hi Nick.
just want to wish you all the best.and just like you my partner has given me one last chance.
I hope we and all the others trapped in this addiction overcome this illness.

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