Hi my name is marko and i am a compulsive gambler.i have decided to share this with you all as a warningl.i have lost every thing because off this illness some off you guys may have seen some Of my earlier posts.well after nine days without gambleing.i did it again i blew my last remaning asset my pention.it all started with a free bounes deposited from a Online casino.needless to say i won with it,well that was it. All reason self restrant went out the window.i cashed in my pention to pay of my debts.i did not tell my partner this as i lost a lot by cashing it in early.well after 18 hours on line its all gone.in that time i broke even aleast three times.at one point i was even up but i could not stop.i kept telling my self stop just stop but i could not. Not till every penny wae gone.the moral here is simple you can not win i am posting this as i have noticed the increaseing amout of young people caught in this trap. i am nearly fifty no job no remaining assets and a partner thats proberly going to leave me.and to Be honest i would not blame her. i have three young girls who have sufferd terribley.because of my selfishness and the sad thing is this happend in less then twelve months.a lifetime of hard work long hours skrimping and saving all gone in such a sort time.the man i was is gone the hard working loving father who all ways put my family first.and for what a few hours of escape.and thinking i could put things right.with the big win.hopefully this may make people who want to give up but still think thay can win. think long and hard.do you really wont to end up like me.
your not the only pratt i just done the same why have i got such an addictive nature now lost the lot wanna kill my self
Marko,
I am truly saddened to learn and read of your plight however in my following sentiments of hope I want you to understand some very very key things to recovery and I say all this for your benefit:
There is never a time to admit defeat to this illness, its an illness that takes all pride, all dignity, we dont understand "ourselves" why we do it but then again why do we need to understand.
Instead we can only fix today, today is a day when all our problems can be out in the open, today is a day when we can stop to dream, stop to gamble, try to get through that day without gambling.
In that we must have some care taken over us, give up control of money and ask that those around us do not "judge" us by our illness.
Marko, we have spoken before and I have read your posts but I have to say this now " we cannot give up gambling by willpower alone" somtime a temptation will arrive and it will get us dreaming once again.
I want you to be brave and go to GA, not just for yourself but your wife and three daughters. Once you have done this try to look at life in a bit of Monty python style and "always look on the bright side of life".
You need to get all cards on the table then say "no" just for today I wont gamble.
Maybe then you will have a chance to get yourself into a good place.
Your post is my greatest fear....but through the thought and practice of GA I lived today "just for today"
I hope i can do that the rest of my life but in that I must allow GA to always be a part of my life.
I can only urge you to think yesterday is gone but tommorow I will ensure the day is better...
Go to GA and then sit down with the wife..
Barrie
hi all thank you for your words of encouragement.i would like to say i have learned my lesson.
But the more i think about what i have done. the more i realise i had no intention of useing that money to pay my debts if this was a one off i could have put it behind me.but i have followed this patten of behavier for the last year.i did hand over control of my bank card to my wife but i neaver requested excluetion.
from the casino.so my bank details were were still on recard all i need was to type in my password.i did go nine days with out gambleing but that was because
i had no funds.so i quess what i trying to say is its easy to say i want to stop but i think deep down i didant i convinced my self that cashing in my pention was i goood idea.so why did i not pay my crediters as soon as the funds cleared. why did i go on line. the win i had was the excuse i needed.as i have stated in a previous post.i stopped gambleing for twenty five years.i dont even know why i started again may be because i was made redundant.and felt like i was on the scrap heap it wasant for the money i was never so well off in my life i owed nothing to nobody i had plenty of cash.deep down i know i cant win.i even posted i reply to a guy last week adviseing him against doing what i have just done.guys i am not looking for sympathy.but i am glad i have this outlet to try to understand why i am behaving this way. your posts really do help.thank you all.and if telling my sad tale helps somebody to stop gambleing and start living that will give me some hope all is not lost.
sorry if i am rambleing its hard for me to put my feeling in words.
Marko,my heart goes out to you,we all on here have been where you are.i too know from my last gamble which was a month ago how you are feeling.the same thing happened to me,an online site gave me a bonus and within an hour it was all gone with much more beside.how you must be feeling chills me as it is probably the same as i did.the shame of having to tell family is something i will always remember esecially as it wasnt the first time.foward to now a month later and trying to follow the programme-im not perfect and it hasnt been easy but life is starting to get better.we cant go back in that time machine and a million times im sure weve all wished we could to undue our stupidity!life is too short to be caught up in the misery of gambling,it sure is a hard trap to get out of tho.i wish you all the best marko and hope you get to a meeting asap.maybe your wife might be more understanding than you think then again maybe not,we cant control everything,another thing iv learnt.keep positive and seek as much help as you can,i wish you all the best and will be thinking of you.x
hi all i just want to thank you for your kind words and advice.
i spoke to my wife and told her everything.it was one of the hardist things i have ever had to do.but she has given me another chance. but it was nearly unberable too See the look of shock and horror on her face. it broke my hart Then she got really angry i just sat there like a bold child.she had every right to tear in to me.i have agreed to go to a doctor. as ther is no dought that in my case depresstion has played a part in what i have done.i decided to share this with you all.in the hope others who may be in simular situations concider taking action.ie contacting GA help lines.visiting there GP.any action is better then just hopeing it will go away by its self or Even worse thinking gambleing more and more will resolve the problem as i did. i will be seeking help from GA.i have just found out there are meeting very near me.
I am going to the doctor first because i feel the depresstion and addiction need to be addressed at the same time.its not easy for guys of my generation To Admitt they have a problem.i am sure there are many who browse this site looking for help . i am by no means in a position to give advice. but this much i can say coming to this site and communicating with fellow compulsive gamblers has been a good step in the right direction and gives me some hope.god bless you all and keep helping others find a path away from gambleing.
