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Do my actions today demonstrate my spiritual growth
My name is Dave of Beckenham. I am a compulsive Gambler! Today my pains from my past are being nurtured and healed, my fears willingly faced and frustrations resolved by accepting the understanding of the serenity wisdom and I live a much healthier spiritual life today, I am healthier and stronger in myself than ever before in my life simply JUST one day at a time.

The wording in red book step three “Gamblers anonymous is a spiritual program, not a religious fellowship.” It is important to understand that anyone can find healing spiritual recovery without having any kind of religious beliefs what so ever, this fact is not mentioned often enough about recovery being a spiritual recovery program.

For me the spiritual recovery program is about healthy freedom.

For me the spiritual recovery program has helped me in empower myself, in being enlightened and learning of myself if I am able each day to pick the healthy path for me.

The speech recognition program has helped me save pain frustration time energy and stop me being frustrated because my right arm is out of service.

It is very frustrating in having lists made up of want and need to do things and been unable to fulfill my wants and needs.

It is important to have healthy goals, to spiritually progress, and to exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits with healthy consequences.

Before recovery I had no choice but to live an unhealthy life, I understand that fact today.

When I went to the hospital for the surgery which took over eight hours I had accepted the very worst that could happen to me, I could die, I could lose my right arm, in accepting the worst that could happen the fear faded and I put my trust in those wonderful professional people who cares so much which enables me to go back to living a healthy life again.

The staff were excellent and gave me the best treatment possible, I will forever be grateful for their sincere caring ways.

An inept inadequate insecure person will try to control and regulate other people, but will also always try and change other people’s thinking to their point of view; they will always try to prove their way of thinking is the only right way.

Once I faced myself I now understand though I do not regulate or control anybody else and people to have their own believes their own religions or their politics and I do not need or want to persuade them one way or another.

By trying to push people when they are not ready to take the spiritual recovery program seriously, has an adverse affect and will scare people off. I see that far to often.

I think it is wonderful that alcoholics anonymous is advertising on public media to make the general public know that the spiritual recovery program when they want it.

Sadly some programs do not make the public aware that they exist, for me I feel it is important everyone is aware that the spiritual recovery program is there when they want it.

When I married back in 1970 I did not know what maturity responsibility and commitment were all about, I took my emotional baggage into my marriage.

The very first time I was asked to talk publicly I was very reluctant scared and nervous, I know I only needed to face myself that I realize also it was a lack of confidence in myself.

At the end of my first talk one of the most powerful things people said to me was that they can relate to me and my experiences, some people even explained that they too had suffered deep seated emotionally scarring from a very early age.

If I feel that when someone says I can relate to me I am passing on the message of recovery and exposing myself and the understanding I have of myself.

People often refer to talking about the past is all about blame, sadly if it was blame I would be living in resentments and that is not the case.

Talking about the past is about letting that suppressed hurt inner child have a voice once more.
In exposing my past my pains my fears and the frustrations empowers me, and the deeper I talk about myself the fear and pain fades.

There was a time when I talked about the past it hurt me so badly, when I was on the edge of crying I could feel the stabbing pain in my throat, over the years as I’ve learned to heal and nurture my pain the stabbing pain in my throat has faded.

One film I saw was pay it forward, if I have seen it several times, on the last occasion I saw the film I questioned why and who I felt pain for at the end of the movie

It was important for me to understand who I was feeling for and why.

On the night before leaving the hospital I felt very vulnerable pain fear and frustration took over and that little inner child went right back to times of his unloved unwanted unnurtured abandonment.

I felt so alone and low and I felt that I would never see or feel my family’s love ever again, and that has been one of the scariest moments of my life in many years.

I understand that my physical and emotional health is interlinked and that I can feel vulnerable emotionally and it can affect me physically, the same way that when I’m physically vulnerable it affects me emotionally.

If I am very grateful for the caring emails and the prayers that were said for me and my family, I really appreciate your kindness caring love and respect.

On this web site they ask a few things of us, very simple, yet people because of their own reasons will not respect the sites boundaries.

Often on this web site people have openly apologized on this web site and people on it, too apologize publicly is very powerful and demonstrates a person’s maturity sincerity and respect of other people and respect of them self.

Spiritual values are about healthy interactions with our self and with other people, sadly today people will justify hurting offending and belittling other people, this reflects on those people as being a healthy people and is very sad actions.

I have often been asked do I still need and want the spiritual rooms of recovery, yes I do today is about finding a healthier way of living each and every day, enabling me to have healthy spiritual relationships with myself and other people.

To not feel guilty or ashamed of my actions today, to be accountable to myself in every way.

One of things I asked myself was if most of the people in the rooms were to admit that they lied and that they were all gambling did that mean I would gamble?

For me it is not healthy to think or feel that a person is more important or superior of everyone in recovery else was unhealthy, time off gambling does not mean a person is an expert or that they are healthy spiritual people.

If that by humbling myself I am equal to all people both inside and outside of the spiritual rooms of recovery, it is no matter what a person thinks or feels about me is their business and their problem, not mine.

In time I would question if I respected or feared certain people, I would define and separate respect and fear and understand the difference.

But sadly I learned that I had lived in fear most of my life and only by recognizing those fears could I do anything about them, all the time I was to denying my fears I could do nothing about it.

Do I practice and understand today the deeper reasons behind each one of the spiritual values today, that each spiritual value embraced is important in to my character building such as healthy unconditional loving unconditional giving forgiving apologizing caring trusting trust worthy patience tolerance humility sincere honest faithful loyalty optimistic self assured and well self balanced punctual courteous respectful considerate grateful content productive creative constructive nurturing sharing encouraging optimistic cooperative aware content stable humble open minded self confident calm proud love and serene.

If I blame other people for how I feel today I am not healing my pains today I am not facing my fears today and not accepting serenity today.

Welcome to those lurkers and new people in time you will be able to open up and feel less fear.

How much do I want recovery today, more than ever before in my life, I’m not willing to give up face or hope in myself, because I value myself today?

Love and peace to everyone.

Dave of Beckenham.
[quote="smartie"]Hi Smartie

Thanks for your sharing also

I am pleased you got a feeling of calm after reading our therapies.

The healing of our emotional side of our recovery helps our life become emotionally managebale.

Spiritual actions are about healthy interactions with all people and living your life with out fear any more.

No more fear means we can trust once more.

Just for today.

I will Keep on being more spiritual healthy.

You feel its a good place for me too....

Only once we are able to feel for our self can we feel for other people.


The wording in red book step three “Gamblers anonymous is a spiritual program, it is not a religious fellowship.” It is important to understand that anyone can find the healing spiritual recovery without having any kind of religious beliefs or other beliefs political or otherwise what so ever, this fact it is not mentioned often enough about recovery being a spiritual recovery program.

For me unconditional loving could only happen once I was able to love myself and trust myself, unconditional love is a giving of myself without any hidden motives on my part, you reach a point where you get pleasure from being so open and caring that being with a person gives you pleasure and there is no longer fear or mistrust in me or other people anymore.

For me unconditional giving came about when I was able to give more time and energy to myself by being caring gentle tolerant and patient with myself, in giving of myself and in being myself helps build healthy relationships.

For me forgiving was an important part of the healing process, forgiving was not for the perpetrator but for me to stop being and feeling the victim, wanting pity and letting fear inhibit me from living a full spiritual life and it is about healing my emotional scars and pains and moving on from our past painful experiences, once I was able to forgive there were no more resentments, no more vengeance, and the painful memory periods of my past would be replaced with sadness, I now understand that sadness indicates to me that my past emotional scars and pains had been healed and nurtured.

For me apologizing is a sign of maturity and strength in being accountable to myself and accountable to other people and acknowledging the consequences of my own unhealthy actions, apologizing is also bridge building exercise over damaged relationships, it also indicates that I care about the relationship I have with myself and with the relationship I have with all other people.

For me caring was an indicator of how much I valued and cared and respected myself, only then could I care about all other people

For me trusting was very much tied to the healing of the pains of my past emotional scars and pains and trauma with an understanding that the consequence of emotional pain is fear which originated from painful traumatic experiences in my childhood, once I overcame unhealthy childhood programming and the those fears of my past I would be able to be more trusting, yet I needed to learn to trust myself first of all.

For me being trustworthy was first of all the valuing myself and respecting myself so that I could respect other people and want the very best relationship I could have with all people.

Patience and tolerance were not very familiar to me and deep down knew those feelings were healthy, I understood that over time being on an adrenaline rush and taking risks was not healthy I needed to slow down my pace and my life to have more balance and taking things more slowly to appreciate and value people and life, this was and is a gradual learning process, it was also linked with being kind and gentle with myself and no longer wanting instant gratification, but working hard and appreciating the most precious things in my life today healthy relationships.

Humility and humbling myself was not a belittling exercise in fact the opposite, I was going to make myself feel equal to all people which for me was a raise in status from feeling like less than dog crap most of my life.

Sincerity linked with honesty, sincerity is being caring from the heart and meaning it, in being sincere is also being able to articulate your true healthy spiritual feelings towards yourself and other people.

Honesty was so many things to so many people, honesty by our spoken word, honesty by being able to be our self, and then there is unconditional honesty, which in a caring way means we can be honest without being cruel and hurting other people's feelings, we learn a way of being nurturing and encouraging without causing offense or embarrassment.

Honesty is the best policy, every healthy spiritual relationship is based upon honesty, and if we can't be honest with our self we cannot be honest with other people.

Faithful is about caring and being sincere and being very loyal, faithful is also related to our own security and understanding how painful it can be to be betrayed and let down, and being faithful and respectful is a very healthy spiritual connection with other people built on trust.

Being optimistic is very much tied to letting go of the past, healing the pains of the past, and also part of the forgiving process and tied up with spiritual goal setting.

Being optimistic is linked with building up, self confidence, our self esteem by setting up goals achieving and progressing by our own actions and giving ourselves approval recognition and pride in our actions.

For me self balanced is about moving from our obsessive addictive behaviors and having balance in our life, by understanding my wants and needs, eight hours of need time, 8 hours of want time and recreation time, also social and interaction time, and then 8 hours of rest and peacetime.

For me being courteous respectful and considerate is a reflection of how much I care and respect myself, it is also a message that I trust other people and value the relationship I have with them.

Being grateful is a reflection of how much I value myself and value other people and that I value people more than material things and money.

From me being content is understanding and accepting the wisdom of serenity and being at peace with myself, once my childhood trauma was put to rest and healed. To understand the only person I can control and regulate is myself only.

Being productive is about being motivated in a healthy way and no longer doing things for unhealthy reasons, not doing things resentfully, to not do things out of guilt, to not do things out of shame, to not do things out of duty, if I do things for the wrong reasons or unhealthy reasons I cheat myself of any pride or self esteem.

In creative thinking I am in touch with the imagination of my inner child and able to see all the possibilities of my actions and the consequences of my actions, to see and feel I am more than the limitations that I used to feel about myself and I am much more than the unhealthy programming that happened to me.

Being constructive is about building and making things better, which is the opposite of the unhealthy way I used to be and feel before I entered the spiritual healing recovery program.

Nurturing and encouraging were skills I would learn in the spiritual recovery program and from my family and more so from my unconditional loving and nurturing wife.

Sharing was very much based upon fear and trust issues, it was beyond money and material things, sharing was about overcoming my fears and trusting other people with my raw feelings and emotions, this took a long period of time.

By attending the healthy meetings and mixing with healthy goal setting people with such honesty and open minded thinking, the strength of the meeting being people's honesty, I recognized that I was equal to all people and wanted the same goals of being spiritually healthy once more as I was spiritually healthy the day I was born.

We just know deep down that healthy spiritual honesty is the idea that we are all working for the same goals at different rates of progress, that healthy progress was much more important than perfection that I needed to be grateful with every progress action I made no matter how small.

That in a way as we progress we work as a cooperative of people with the same clear healthy focus and the same healthy spiritual goals.

For me being aware was not about living on your nerves or on the edge of my fears, it was about being alert and conscious of everything and everyone surrounding me.

Being content was being serene and being happy with whom I was and what I was today, it also meant I understood that money and material things would not resolve my internal emotional issues.

Being stable within myself helped me overcome the emotional roller coaster rides I used to go through when I was very unhealthy, I felt in those days I did not have a choice to react in unhealthy ways, been stable was also about not reacting in an unhealthy way to everybody who was unhealthy around me.

For me being open minded was the ability to listen to all people's opinions views beliefs and even to unhealthy inept inadequate insecure people without me taking it personal if people did not agree with my beliefs. Being open minded was the ability to listen without reacting in an unhealthy way

Confidence faith and belief in ourselves came about by us doing our own healthy spiritual actions with healthy consequences, once we are willing to help our self succeed and progress and to value our self.

For me calmness came about when I was at peace within myself and was not fighting myself anymore to have focus direction and purpose and was self enlightened and aware the life I used to live was very unhealthy as a result of my unhealthy actions there were unhealthy consequences which caused pain to myself other people and adversely affected people around me.

Love and peace to everyone.

Dave of Beckenham

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