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In despair
Hi my name is scott and i am a recovering compulsive gambler.

I have just read your post regarding your husbands gambling the problem. I gambled for 25yrs and finally made the decision to turn my life around for myself 18moths ago. During my 25yrs of gambling i have had lot's of relationship breakdowns with partners and family members due to them wanting me to get help with my gambling and me being in denial making out everything is ok and i'm not as bad as everyone else. My gambling progressively got worse as it does with any addiction to the point where i wanted to change for myself and had had enough of the lifestyle i was leading (rock bottom). To cut a long story short my wife has had to put up with the same problems you have regarding him stealing, lying etc which has brought down her selfworth and confidence. Thankfully 18months ago i made a decision to go to a rehab addiction clinic which follows the same 12 step recovery programme as ga ,aa, and na. During my road to recovery i have followed a programme with spiritual principles that has enabled me to change my perception on life and my character defects which were impatient, resentful, angry, fearful and full of guilt, blame, and selfpity. Today i manage to lead a happy, joyous and free life without gambling thanks to ga and the 12 steps of recovery. For me to have what i have now i have had to do this for myself as changing for someone else will not work no matter how hard you push him. My wife has been going to gamanon where she has got the help to understand why i did what i did and also for her to understand she is not the cause of the problem.
My advice to you is to do what is right by you and your daughter so she isn't affected by this lifestyle surrounding her.

Take care.
My name is scott and i will always be a recovering compulsive gambler but i have a great life today thanks to ga and the people who continue to give their time to help themselves and others.
Worried Wife..

I want you to get him to read this post whilst with you seeing as he believes most gamblers never change.

Firstly I used to be a waste of space gambler also. I didnt really want to give anything, I was selfish, arrogant, I was rightous, pretty much the biggest fool on the planet.

I like you stole...wahoo great admission that one, Im such a great guy, well it wasnt stealing just borrowing till I won then I would pay back..

Church who needs Church, Christian who needs Christian, Charity who needs Charity...People with problems, nah not me im really great, everyone likes me, what a MUG!!

I had a stepdaughter a fiancee, they both loved me but I crucified them with gambling...missed time, missed love but eh Im still a great guy...

Everything when I was gambling was next week, next week, Ill stop next week...because I knew next week I could continue...I would have more fuel to gamble and guess what..I would continue to be my selfish, idiotic, disorganised self.

Tyres for the car, next week, clean the car, next week, cut the grass, next week, go out to see firends, next week, gamble TODAY, I was the worlds greatest liar also...lost my wallet, going to do this...going to do plan...nothing.

That was until I had no one to blame, no one around me as I had lost it all, everything through one thing GAMBLING, it had made me cry (a grown man) it had made me contemplate suicide (many times) it had made me tired, weary, exhausted (many times).

I even realise when I had lost everything including everything I strived for, I was still the same old waste of space I had always been. But fortunately I remembered one thing and one thing that meant a lot of soul searching:

Do I really want to be this guy who steals of someone he says he loves, will never provide for his family or do I want as someone said I was not "to become a man"

See a man doesnt steal, a man respects others, a man takes care of those he loves and the only way for me to become a man was quite simply to give up gambling.

So I did and I did this because I didnt want to be that soldier anymore, i didnt want to treat my family like they all owed me something, tell my friends I was just unlucky and most importantly I came to a realisiation I had a complete addiction that could only be solved "one day at a time".

Weeks started to become months free from gambling, my attitude changed, I no longer had a huge chip on my shoulder, I didnt look back at what was and I started to LIVE.

If I want to go for a drink this weekend I will, if I want to put new tyres on the car I will, I might even clean it, but what I will not do is rest on my laurels and if I become nervous about FREE TIME I simply find something to do.

I believe I call this being re-programmed. Life may hit me with suprises soon, who knows what is around the corner but as long as today I dont gamble, as long as today I dont care about "will I win the Jackpot" then its a good day for me.

GA changed my life and should gambling crop up in conversation I do my best to move away from the conversation, should I encounter gamblers I dont make time to make friends and in that I see people clearer than before.

Most importantly I love where love should be, I grant my prayers that others get away or out of the hole life can be.

Most importantly I am not going back to THAT is past just like my gambling because just for today I admitted my desease and shared that desease.

I also found I got to know those I love a whole heap more.

Go to GA...give up control of may be boring...but its a a lot lot better than being the person I was.

My advice is its never to late to stop, if you want to.


Hi there, I feel so sorry for what you are going through, however I suspect that it is quite a common situation

I have gambled for 30 years now and only stopped recently, mainly sports betting like your boyfriend.

My drive to change was my wife and daughter, I realised that it was really difficult, if not impossible to give attention to family when you are in the midst of this addiction

Whilst he is in denial there is very little you can do, at the end of the day until the pain of gambling becomes greater than the pain of not gambling your partner will struggle

You say that he is not the man you love anymore, if thats the case you must give him an ultimatum and mean it, "Make a serious effort to quit through some form of support group, or we are finished"

Harsh, but if you dont and your feelings for him continue to fade, you will be finished soon anyway

Good luck

Thanks for the replies. He went to his counselling yesterday but was in a bad mood when he got home. He does admit hd has a problem but I really don't think he wants to stop completley. The problem is I am always so nervous of the next bet that I'm always going on about it, saying why don't you go on this website and one day at a time etc. He then says me going on makes it worse but I really can't help it. I want him to stop so badly I don't want him to let me down again which in my heart I think he will. When he got back last night we had a bit of a row, he said if I keep going on he will leave me! I have had to make the sad decision to look for a place to rent, even if only for him to sort his head out. Thing is I don't even trust him to be able to pay the mortgage and bills if I do go! What a nightmare, I think sadly you are All right I cannot make him stop and I do not believe he truly wants to. This is affecting my whole life, I'm finding it hard to even work at the moment.
hello. my name is emma. thank you for commenting on my post.. it does help to know im not the only one in this horrible situation. I have to agree with the others and say it sounds like your partner is not ready to change.. my bf went to a GA meeting tue, and he returned very positive and excited at the possible future without gambling. tonight, i am going to a gamanon. i think you should too.. it will help to talk to others in your situation face to face. I dont want to tell you to leave him, but sometimes it takes a shock like that to make him realise he needs to change. GA is the only way... i hope he realisese soon before he loses a loving family x

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