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Won't go to GA
I'm just after a bit of feedback really, my partner is a very bad compulsive gambler. He has said he will stop ( as he has many times), but this time I think he means it as I have said we will be over if he doesn't as I can't continue to live like this. He has started to see a counsellor once a week for the gambling but will not go to any GA meetings. He has been to one before and just says he can't go to meetings for the rest of his life he wants to stop on his own. he supposedly has a plan, he says he will go on this website and continue his counselling. He wants to buy some shares each month so as he can look them up online but has no chance of loosing any money?

I'm in two minds, I am glad he has put effort into thinking how he can actually stop and I said if he goes to the bookies once then he must start to go to GA or we will be over as I don't believe he will be able to do it on his own. It is all very well now he is feeling determined but I am worried come the weekend of he gets bored etc he will start to think oh one bet won't hurt?

Has anyone stopped just through counselling or any other way? Surely GA can't be for everyone just as AA?

Any advice appreciated!! I so want to support him as he has made an effort but I am very dubious if this will work!
Thank you for your comments. Well this weekend will be the tester to see if he has a bet or not. He said this morning that's why he won't go to GA as he doesn't want to have to ask me of eh wants a tenner for something he should just be able to have it. Hes till seems determined and said I have told you I am going to stop and I will. I think he thinks that if he puts his mind to it he will be able to stop but I don't think he has counted on the impulses and urges I know he will get and I don't think he will be able to fight them for long but we will see...

I think he will be ok for a bit but I can't see this as a long term fix. I have told him we will try it his way but if he has even one small bet then that is it and he is going to GA no matter what. he is still going to the councillor who specialises in gambling addiction so hopefully that will help him as well long term?

Watch this space... hopefully he will prove my worries wrong this time?
well, he had a bet, or 2 to be exact. His argument is that it was a lot less money than he has been spending recently so it's progress? He is getting these shares this weekend so he thinks that will be it then. He seems very determined but I am still not convinced. I can see him just still saying but it is only a little money or whatever so it is ok!

I know my being pesemistic probably won't be helping and I am trying not to let on to him that i am so nervous as I don't want to make him feel he may as well not try as I have already set him up for defeat.

He is however, singing his councillors praises saying he is really helping etc so I am hoping that sometime soon his councillor will suggest he self bars himself or something. The thing is, even if it is a small bet if he wins it will start a whole week of gambling again until it is all gone.

If he does gamble I often hope he loses as if he wins it carries on for longer!

I hope so much he will stop for good, only time will tell I suppose. It's funny because last week he didn't have a bet during the week and it was like I had him back and he was the old him again, funny even just a few days of clearing his head and he 'came back'. It would be so nice if he was like that all the time instead of sucked into this crazy addiction (no offense!).

I have to do it his way at the moment as everyone has said if I try telling him what to do or push him into things he will not want to do it even more. I told him I just hope we are worth it this time as I cannot and will not take living like this forever, it's not fair on me or our daughter to be living unhappily all because of him.

Well, I will continue to stand by him and hope he will do his bit as well, he has said he is really trying at the moment so fingers crossed....
As others have said, this doesn't sound promising at all. I know exactly what he's doing and it's not going to end happily unless he stamps it right out, immediately. Sorry to be blunt, but that's the truth. Progress, schmogress .... I'm sorry, it doesn't matter if he gambled less than normal last weekend - he still gambled, and if he'll continue to manipulate you into thinking that's ok to any extent, then he'll continue to gamble and it will gradually get worse and worse and worse.

Compulsive gambling is progressive in its nature - if he's crossed the line whereby his gambling has become compulsive (which it clearly has, and he readily accepts this) then it will ONLY go in one direction. He cannot, and mustn't be allowed to gamble in moderation. It is black and white, there is no grey area whatsoever.

No doubt he's hurt you greatly with his gambling and even more so with his lies and deceit. The truth is that he needs to show some humility - so what if he 'doesnt want to go' to GA. For now he has to put his wants to one side. As I've read several others say, I tried and tried to find ways to stop gambling on my own. But I couldn't. It's as simple as that. GA has changed my life. Staying off gambling is easy these days for 2 reasons - I go to GA weekly and I have no access to any money. Some people don't like that idea, they find it emasculating or whatever, but again it comes back to this word - humility. He has to accept the pain he's caused you and others and to be 100% transparent. The trust won't come back overnight but as and when it does slowly, he'll feel a million times better. To coin a bit of an overused cliché - "the truth will set you free". I couldn't describe my life more aptly than that. I am a million, nay, a billion times happier than I was when I was gambling.

Good luck, I really hope your husband does the right thing and at least tries GA

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