Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Understanding Step one and step two.
#40
(13-12-2011, 03:58 PM)Roxannesins Wrote: I don´t know how to work through my pains and my fears. It just hurts so bad and last week I did return to gambling, like putting my emotions in quarantine. Just feeling all numb from lack of selfcaring, avoiding everything, just sitting gambling at my computer.

Writing my marathon post and admitting it, then waiting and wondering whether it would be approved or not. I am ashamed to say but I didn´t handle it all very well.

Feelings of abandonment, vulnerability, being misunderstood, being despised and judged, even if I somehow know these emotions aren´t rational. Also feeling of shame for not knowing how to deal with my past but continuing to let it haunt me.

Reading your answer makes the pain break through the numbness again.

I wish I knew how to heal and nurture my pains and fears. I wish I knew when I am going to be able to let byegones be byegones. How many tears are there?

Trying to focus one day at a time has helped me and I know there is strenght in chosing to create a good day for yourself. But what do you do when past pains comes up to the surface? Just push it down again or allow the tears to run freely and be honest to your emotions? But if you try to stay honest and open to your emotions, why do they keep coming back?!?

I don´t understand I am all confused and filled with mixed emotions. I am so sick and tired of my tears.

I realise that I am all a little child right now and I sincerly apoldigize for that. I have a long way to go.

I did manage to abstain for five months, and I have not given up. Just starting from zero again.
Hi

No matter how long you have been in meetings days free from addictions and being healthy will not be lost, it is only one day you have not been able to cope emotionally. Clean time Can not be lost. Please do not give up on your self. 

It took me along time to be able to shed my tears, there is nothing unhealthy about feeling and nurturing your pains.

Remember it is not the adult that cres but the hurt inner girl.

The things I needed and wanted from my parents they could not give me because they were both filled with fears and could have emotional intimacy with them self or any one else. 

Love and peace Dave
Reply


Messages In This Thread
Understanding Step one and step two. - by Guest - 24-05-2011, 07:47 PM
Re: Understanding Step one and step two. - by Guest - 29-05-2011, 02:01 PM
Re: Understanding Step one and step two. - by Guest - 05-07-2011, 03:14 PM
Re: Understanding Step one and step two. - by Paula - 06-07-2011, 11:52 AM
Re: Understanding Step one and step two. - by Guest - 11-07-2011, 08:16 AM
Re: Understanding Step one and step two. - by Guest - 19-09-2011, 06:59 AM
Re: Understanding Step one and step two. - by Guest - 25-11-2011, 07:08 PM
Re: Understanding Step one and step two. - by Guest - 27-11-2011, 05:56 PM
Re: Understanding Step one and step two. - by Guest - 09-12-2011, 05:07 PM
RE: Understanding Step one and step two. - by gadaveuk - 09-09-2021, 05:07 AM
Re: Understanding Step one and step two. - by Guest - 16-12-2011, 04:53 AM
Re: Understanding Step one and step two. - by Guest - 16-12-2011, 06:31 PM
Re: Understanding Step one and step two. - by Guest - 16-12-2011, 06:34 PM

Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)