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need to go back

My name's Ron, and I have been an addicted gambler for as long as I can remember. I have always denied it to myself, as I only gambled on fruit machines and never had the inclination to gamble on anything else. However, over the last twenty years, I have lost more and more and never once equated gambling with winning. It was always an excuse to lock myself away from the world when things got too stressful. I have spent so much money that instead of having a comfortable life with my family, I now stand on the brink of losing everything.
I have tried counselling over the years, and also self restraint, but although they have worked for a little while I have always been pulled back in. It's almost like I need to be on the brink of catastrophe before I realise what I am doing to myself and others. Having attended one GA meeting many years ago, I tried to justify not going again by snobbishly claiming I was not like them. What a load of old tosh! I am no different, better or worse, than anyone who has seen their life wrecked by this affliction.
I have decided to go to the Uxbridge meeting on my way home next week, and try to change my life for the better for once and for all. I hope I have the courage to walk through the door and take that step, as reading some of the comments on here makes me feel there is still hope for me.

thanks for giving me the impetus, just pray I can see it through.

Hi Ron
My name is marko.
Are stories are very simular.i to am on the brink of loseing every thing as well
I have already bankrupt my family.and my relationship is hanging by a thread.also like you the need for risk is overwhelming with me.
And being on the brink of catastrophe as you so well put it.i put my self in a imposible situation a couple of weeks ago.
Knowing i would be you are not unique in your behavior.GA can help.and the support you will get on this site is a real boost in the
Recovery process.i wish you well and god bless.
thanks for your kind words.

I went and sat down with my father in law today, and told him what had happened. I was shaking with nerves, as I respect and love my wife's family and am ashamed at what I have done to them. He is a naturally shy man, and I didn't know how he would react, but his support and understanding meant the world to me.
I feel I need to come clean to all the important people in my life, in the hope it will help to cleanse some of the guilt. It has also given me the impetus to not wait until Monday before going to my first GA meeting, but I am going to attend my first meeting tomorrow evening. I plan to walk through the door with my head held high, and start this road to a better future.
Hopefully my wife will learn one day to love and respect me again but if it is too late to plan the future together as a couple, I will make sure i am in a good place to lead my family unit as friends.


it was an absolute pleasure to meet you last night, and the rest of the fellowship in Eastcote. Being able to relate to the problems faced by others, and still being faced, has reassured me that I am not alone in dealing with this illness. It may only be the first short step, but it's feels a bit like a Neil Armstrong step on the moon!
Had a chat with my wife when I got home, and although we have difficult times ahead and problems will not be solved instantly, it felt like I had the strength to understand her feelings a bit more and stop being selfish in only focussing on my hurt and grief.
Now I am looking forward to a day at a time, where I can enjoy life without hiding away from the challenges ahead.
See you at Uxbridge on Monday, for the second step of a lifetime's journey.

best wishes.
Hi Ron, Dave etc. Isn't this program the most wonderful and spiritual happening that we can ever experience.
You know it actually saved my life. I was very, very near to death when God finally pushed me into a meeting.
It is a miracle how my life has been turned around all because of a simple 12 step GA program.
Enjoy Ron, your life will be filled and rewarding.
GA Australia
Hi Helen,
thanks for your words. I understand that the path I must follow now will lead to a better place for myself and all those around me. However, at the present moment that path appears rockier than I could ever imagine.
Because of the pain I have caused my wife, the times I have lied, promises I have broken, hardships I have caused, and the trust I have lost, we agreed to separate, and I moved out of my home this morning.
To say goodbye to my children and tell them I will only be "home" at weekends, was soul destroying. We sat them down on Friday and tried to explain everything that had happened without sugar coating it, and I was so proud of them. Knowing I will not wake them up every morning for breakfast, or kiss them goodnight, is a pain I will never erase. But it is a pain I have caused by my actions, and I must ensure never to repeat them.
While I hope the future will be brighter for us all, I cannot be certain. But I am starting to understand there are no certainties in life when you are a compulsive gambler. Regardless of this, I will keep on this road a day at a time, with the hope it will enrich the life of my family and friends by making me a better person.


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