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Hi, im jay im a compulsive gambler last bet end of may 2011.

Lets begin at the begining......

My earliest memory of betting was playing cards in my mates shed around the age of 9-10 for pennies playing pontoon,i then went out and brought a fruit machine which was later placed in my parents shed, the machine had payed for itself within a week, nearly everynight 8-10 mates all round playing it.This went on through the teenage years of my life, at 15 started going to the pub,playing real fruit machines,which progressed in 2 years to playing 3 card brag every sunday afternoon with the lads, which we didnt play for pennies! i remeber once some1 loosing their car and even throwing down their house keys, very silly stakes.through the ages of 20-28 i gambled everytime i had money every weekend, endless times my best freind would try to comfat me whilst i was bawling my eyes out at the back of the pub, many times ringing my dad up to fetch me and many times saying never again.I was well and truley addicted and the progression took place....during this time i lost so much more than money i lost my gf of 8 years who i was engaged to, we split up as freinds because she stil loved me but could not handle the gambleing, i contantly asked her to cash chq.s take out doorstep loans and other loans, and unfortuanlly now she did this cause she loved me.Then BANG im 28 moved down south met a girl everything rosey had my daughter i had suddenly grown up, no more beer weekends hardley went out i was a family man, with 1 exception i still gambled only now it was bookies, and roulette machines.i work for myself take caSH everyday i was on a wage that only my freinds could dream of having, and everyday at 4pm i finished work and went on to the roulette and blew my money.We moved bk to nottm with my new family, nothing got better in fact just worse, i continued to earn money, i continued to blow it.Untill 1 dreadfull night i was suposed to be staying at a freinds house but didnt i went back to my house and the gf didnt want me there, she shouted chucked stuff at me then called the police.Police came saw me i was calm asked me politly to go sumwhere else and i the morning i went back to the house, she wouldnt let me in at 1st, but i got in saw my daughter then went to bed,1pm 2 coppers looking over me and arrested me for suspision of plotting to kill ! The ex had got so desperate she made up a lie to get me out of the house (she has addmited she lied to me since)a week in tears wasnt allowed to go near my house or have any contact, in that week she did a runner and took my daughter, i didnt see her for 3 years.....and yet i still continued to gamble, my own addiction was more important than my daughter.My illness got worse, bigger bets, sleeping in my van when no1 wanted to know me,mum disowned me, freinds didnt really want to know.....THEN A SAVIOUR my brother came to me in asda car park were i was sleeping , put fuel in my van and borrowed me money to get stock so i could go to work, i was detemined now i was gonna proove myself to every1.......within an hour of receivng the money i was in the bookies i never made it to the wholesalers.time went on and i met the girl im with now and for 4 years i continued to do the same, she took out loans for me ran her debt up, and finally she went bancrupt because of me.But again she loved me, untill she kicked me out last june10, i had no fuel and slept a week on the streets,untill my dad came and took me home,talked to my mum and dad, I WAS READY, i had addmited to myself i needed help.
In 20 years + of gambleing i had LIED,CHEATED,DECEIVED,STOLEN,ROBBED,FOUGHT,CRIMINAL DAMAGE,ATTEMPTED SUICIDE, and all for a bet !And i was a family man?

I fount GA june last year this sunday will be 1 year within GA, i shall post again about my year within the fellowship, i think ive banged on enough now.
Something the illness didnt take away from me was my abilitty to laugh and joke and i am gratefull for that.

i would also like to say , nobody and i mean NOBODY has ever known about my suicide attemp and wont it shall go to my grave with me.

Jay, you are me, I am you.
Wow another great post...difficult to share that sometimes and in reflection sometimes we dont even feel we have an issue, to drag up all the things we have done especially to catogorise them in your head.

Reflecting from your share I feel the only reason I never married is because I was probably to honest with my gambling and it had made me so hard, so tough I never considered others feelings.

I remember one of the ex Gfs who after one year I suddenly said its over to break her heart, we are so so cruel when in the throws of gambling.

Your story made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up because what you did I did also, the old Pity me im sleeping rough, I have had it hard, when the only thing I needed to stop was gambling.

I note from your post that your last bet was recent, as was mine but in 4years I have got on the programme the most and like you still retain my SOH.

Im going to get married I hope next year to a wonderfull girl who loves me and I know I must follow the programme as without this I am going to hurt her also.

Diligence being the key that sometimes I forget, as its easy to forget the pain inflicted.

thanks for sahring and keep reading your post.

we are all so similar, when reading other peoples share stories we can always see some parts of ourselves.lovely to hear how your recovery is going and i hope it continues.a sense of humour is always helpful in any situation as is the ability to laugh at last bet was last friday,had been begining of april but had a relapse however onwards and upwards.yesterday has gone and tomorrow is a new day when I WILL NOT GAMBLE.god bless nottingham,keep up the good work.

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