16-07-2011, 04:18 PM
Hi folks.
Made a post a few months ago and found chrisadmin's reply helpful.
I am the wife of a gambler and wrote my own story in reply to a new post from a wife who had recently found out her husband was a compulsive gambler. At that time, I had just discovered my husband had suffered another relapse (although I don't actually think he had given up at all). It is always the case that I don't find out, or maybe just turn a blind eye in truth, until the debt becomes too unmanageable for my husband and he has to come clean.
I'm sure many partners of compulsive gamblers recognise this feature of after many, many years of hanging on in there because we love them and believe that they will not let us down again, but knowing instinctively that it is still going on (but maybe only on a small scale ha, ha). I have come to realise that the same scenario will be replayed over and over again because the gambler CAN'T control the addiction and actually we are only colluding with them in turning a blind eye or perhaps they take it as a kind of tacit approval. Who know's?
Got up this morning, went onto the internet and for some reason checked the search history to find that my husband had been on late last night to check the Ladbrokes bet calculator!
Today, he has been at work and here I am again, having to sit with this sick feeling in my stomach, having to face up to the fact that he has probably run up more debt which he will disclose under pressure. The issue is, I am particularly worried as I manage all the accounts and he supposedly has no access to cash. I doubt very much that he would have needed to go on this site to place a Lucky 15!
I know I will have to confront him with this again and to be honest don't know whether I have the heart.
Each time I have gone through this situation, it has chipped away just a little bit more at my love for him to the extent that today, I just feel numb. I don't feel anger, hurt, or even disappointment. What I do feel is that this point was always perhaps inevitable. Maybe my husband has laid his biggest bet ever, on our marriage, and lost.
As I wrote in my original post in April in reponse to "Gambling wife", I feel that I have now reached the point where I need to make a decision for myself which could change my life forever. Advice please as I feel so low!
Made a post a few months ago and found chrisadmin's reply helpful.
I am the wife of a gambler and wrote my own story in reply to a new post from a wife who had recently found out her husband was a compulsive gambler. At that time, I had just discovered my husband had suffered another relapse (although I don't actually think he had given up at all). It is always the case that I don't find out, or maybe just turn a blind eye in truth, until the debt becomes too unmanageable for my husband and he has to come clean.
I'm sure many partners of compulsive gamblers recognise this feature of after many, many years of hanging on in there because we love them and believe that they will not let us down again, but knowing instinctively that it is still going on (but maybe only on a small scale ha, ha). I have come to realise that the same scenario will be replayed over and over again because the gambler CAN'T control the addiction and actually we are only colluding with them in turning a blind eye or perhaps they take it as a kind of tacit approval. Who know's?
Got up this morning, went onto the internet and for some reason checked the search history to find that my husband had been on late last night to check the Ladbrokes bet calculator!
Today, he has been at work and here I am again, having to sit with this sick feeling in my stomach, having to face up to the fact that he has probably run up more debt which he will disclose under pressure. The issue is, I am particularly worried as I manage all the accounts and he supposedly has no access to cash. I doubt very much that he would have needed to go on this site to place a Lucky 15!
I know I will have to confront him with this again and to be honest don't know whether I have the heart.
Each time I have gone through this situation, it has chipped away just a little bit more at my love for him to the extent that today, I just feel numb. I don't feel anger, hurt, or even disappointment. What I do feel is that this point was always perhaps inevitable. Maybe my husband has laid his biggest bet ever, on our marriage, and lost.
As I wrote in my original post in April in reponse to "Gambling wife", I feel that I have now reached the point where I need to make a decision for myself which could change my life forever. Advice please as I feel so low!