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Understanding myself and being self enlightened
My name is Dave of Beckenham. I am a compulsive Gambler! Today my pains from my past are being nurtured and healed, my fears willingly faced and frustrations resolved by accepting the understanding of the serenity wisdom and I live a much healthier spiritual life today, I am healthier and stronger in myself than ever before in my life simply JUST one day at a time.

For me anyone can find recovery even though they are not religious people. The program works for anyone who is willing to work the spiritual recovery program.

For me by working the spiritual recovery program has given me many more healthy choices, yes I am able to abstain, but more importantly I am able to live my life without fear holding me back from achieving things with my life and my time.

I now fully understand the spiritual recovery program was only going to work once I put more effort in to my recovery than I put in to my addictions and obsessions.

Every time I gambled I was giving up all faith and hope in myself, every time I gave my money away I was saying that I did not deserve to have nice things or feel a good about myself.

The spiritual program that helps me help myself become a much healthier interactive person in myself.

Each time I broke out gambling indicated that I did not accept or understand step one.

What was I missing from step one what part of step one did I not understand?

Step one for me is several things, step one for me is acceptance that no matter how many triggers or when I feel vulnerable when I gambled I made things worse I caused myself even more pain than I was in before.

Step one for me is facing my fears, being honest to myself, complete surrender was about I was 100% beaten and no matter how much money I won I could not win in myself.

It was only when I met a few millionaires that I got the message it had nothing to do about money or my finances, the millionaires did not need to gamble they had everything they wanted and needed in their life.

Step one combined with twenty questions asks us to be honest with our self and for most that is hard on first arriving in the spiritual recovery program.

I could not help myself but to react to certain questions about myself and my honesty, I did not understand that the recovery program was just a manual to living a healthier spiritual living by taking baby steps.

I was a victim long before my first bet or first drink, when I walked in to recovery I did not know what I was thinking or feeling.

I feel that when I walked in to recovery I had abused myself emotionally so badly that I was emotionally traumatized and it would take time for me to heal from the harm I had done to myself.

For me gambling and getting drunk were forms of self abuse, hurting myself emotionally and physically, people think it s strange that I do not drink tea or coffee any more, yet for me I use to be a tea and coffee addict which was another way of getting an adrenaline rush.

As I was able to give up gambling then I gave up getting drunk, then I gave up smoking, then I was giving up tea and coffee then gave up hurting myself and hurting others around me.

Each unhealthy I gave up I gained faith and hope in myself and over time I started to trust myself, in the old days I so much wanted to blame other people for my failing or blame the recovery program for my failing.

Yet I fully understand the recovery program never failed me I failed myself, each time I gambled was a lesson that I had not accepted and surrendered to step one if I was willing to learn from going back that was my responsibility.

Today I understand that goal setting and progressing were my responsibility, often I know what I need to do yet often lacked confidence and self esteem in myself.

How could I think that other people and the recovery program failed me?

I now understand that when I use to pint with one finger there was four fingers pointing back at myself.

What was important to my recovery was to understand that I felt vulnerable with regards feelings of pain feelings of fear and feelings of frustrations.

How could I have become so confused and so lost in myself, how could I have lost faith in myself so easily?

Once I handed over my finances made things easier for me and I over come feeling like a little child handing over my money, in time I would not longer fear having money and would learn to trust myself even more.

In time I would learn that most of my life I did things for unhealthy reasons, firstly I noticed that due to me feeling inept inadequate and insecure I did most things in my life for unhealthy reasons.

Doing things out of guilt or shame I was cheating myself, doing things out of duty I was cheating myself, doing things resentfully I was cheating myself, doing things to person please I was cheating myself, doing things conditionally I was cheating myself.

How could I be so confused about spiritual values and spiritual actions, I was born free of all fears yet got to my twenties filled with fears, I was born to be completely honest yet got to lie and escape responsibility most of the time.

I was born to give of myself and trust unconditionally and then I became a very cynical mistrusting person who could not say to people he loved them, I was going to become the same as my father afraid to show his true feelings.

In seeing my father before he died I knew that if I did not take spiritual recovery seriously I would finish up like my father.

Do I understand today the deeper reasons behind each one of the spiritual values today, that each spiritual value embraced is important in to my character building such as healthy unconditional loving unconditional giving forgiving apologizing caring trusting trust worthy patience tolerance humility sincere honest faithful loyal optimistic self assured and well self balanced punctual courteous respectful considerate grateful content productive creative constructive nurturing sharing encouraging optimistic cooperative aware content stable humble open minded self confident calm proud love and serene.

I understand that no matter your age it is never too late to become spiritually healthy and enjoy and make the very best use of your life today and be excited and enjoy what you do each day, one day at a time.

I am glad that I am a compulsive gambler, I am glad that I am selfish with regards my recovery, I am glad that I am able to listen, I am glad that I am able to listen and learn more about myself and the best way to deal with life today.

Welcome to those lurkers and new people in time you will be able to open up and feel in less fear.

I now understand that pains of my past once healed became my strength today.

Love and peace to everyone


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