Sheer frustration

[RobertReni]

I'm not great at making introductions, so I'll just jump straight in.

Over the past few years I've blown a massive amount of savings and money on gambling, and in a way have tried to deny it by thinking that somebody has dug themselves into a deeper hole, or has lost a load more money, before coming to the realisation that if I've lost £x amount and someone else has lost £X amount, if we both now have next to nothing, I'm really in no better position than them!

My problem (and this is going to sound familiar to many of you, I'm sure) is that I didn't just restrict myself to one source of money, but gambled with whatever I could. Student loan which I could have used to pay off credit cards instead went on gambling, thus making my credit card hole even deeper. I've maxed out my card and can guarantee that every month I have arrears to pay, which I can't because I currently have no work Even dole money is used to feed the addiction!

Am I ashamed of this?

In truth, it only starts to hit you once you start putting it in writing. I'm living with my mother at the moment and fear that if she finds out that I've sunk back into this again, I'll be thrown out or there will at least be serious strain. Let me be clear, I don't expect sympathy at all, or even that people understand what I've done, but at the same time, having a slanging match is not going to help matters.

My main vice is Internet gambling and supposed "skill gaming". I do go into bookies and have physical bets, but never crazy stakes and always sports, I've never played any of the machines. However, the Net is where my trouble starts - whether It's because not physically handing over the money makes a difference, I don't know, but I have severe trouble stopping once I've started.

The big problem for me, is what I'd call "logical betting". That is, pick sports you know about and restrict yourself to that. I very often get "near miss" bets (e.g. winning two parts of a treble) rather than betting on completely random stuff, but in a way this might almost make things worse, in that you think your "knowledge" will mean a win is due soon, when in reality it might not happen for ages.

I had a gambling blocker installed, and in truth, it was the best thing I could have done, because I now see what I was able to claw back from not spending on betting, but the year ran out, I thought I could control things, and I did...for a month.

This time, things have to change, and I really believe I can do it. No betting today, so that's already a start, so my target now is the full week, which I know I'll do.

Hopefully, things can get back on track from here.

[barrieexgambler]

John,
You seem a very intelligent man, a rational person who can digress the error and symptoms.

I to am quite a clever person in so much as I understand the physical and mental signs that I am empowered to gamble. This said there is only one path that will ensure we never forget the depths we go to gamble.

Many years ago my car was on tick I was renting a room with a guy and I remember rushing home unplugging the expensive TV I had got on credit and rushing to cash converters to get a small amount for it just to try to win money back I had lost.

That was not the only story from my gambling days I was a complete and utter mug.

I was so into gambling that no one could ever tell me anything, everything was someone elses fault never my own and yet I continued digging the hole deeper and deeper.

I wrote an interesting post one day about how to re-build life, I call it total re-programming it is surely about character change from head to toe.

I think in reality I have gone past the urges to gamble, I only think today I did not gamble. I remember very clearly in my recovery one night laid in asleep awaking with all hot and burning up, I had a nightmare that was so real about "being in action" but that was then.

Now I cannot remember the nights I dont sleep well, I always sleep sound. I dont live in a room anymore, i own things, actual things, I am methodical, practical and although I carry many of the traits of my past I dont let gambling come in the way of my future.

As a very intelligent man you should cut the credit cards up, talk with the banks and freeze the payments, get any job you can and open things up with your mum.

Then start living one day at a time whilst still remmebering the past that went before...

God granted me the serenity, I hope he does you also

Take Care

Ba

[RobertReni]

Things are slowly looking up. No betting for 4 days, and I managed to negotiate an arrangement on my credit card with the bank where both the interest rate and minimum payments have been reduced. Still in a sticky situation financially, but over the next few weeks I will start to see a difference. I also self-excluded myself from my main 'Net bookies so that temptation is gone as well.