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wives and girlfriends of gamblers

i am writing this as over a year ago my partner of 9 years admitted to a gambling problem, and I think im finding it harder to move on than him. i cant look at our bank accounts without being suspicious and it sends me into a manic mode if i do look at them. i knew it was going on but was powerless to do anything until he realised there was no money left and his next step was to try and release money from the house. which he couldnt do without me so was forced to come out.

i dont feel i can move on from all the hurt and pain he put me through - he started gambling when i was pregnant with our son and it didnt stop until last year - it destroyed our relationship, as well as his with his sons. as soon as he told me we went to see a financial advisor and he went to 2 GA meetings but that was it. money is still an issue as hes been paying hundreds a month off of the debt and i still go without (and feel that he doesnt - he feels he does) but im finding it so hard to regain the trust. im unsure how to trust him again.

his relationship with our son is sooooooo much better, and our relationship has slowly been getting back on track. im worried im going to always live in fear that the gambling will start again.

looking for some support from some other wives/girlfriends or any advise how to move on from this
Dear Hardtogetover,

Thankyou for your submission to the Gamblers Anonymous forum. It is hardly surprising that you find it difficult to trust your partner given the fact he has seriously abused this in the past. A year can be a long time, then again its only three hundred and sixty five days or so. Most people who sustain a good recovery have attended more than two Gamblers Anonymous (GA) meetings. Perhaps your partner had a disagreement at one of the meetings and found it hard to return? Maybe the meeting ran contrary to his expectation(s)? It may be helpful to prompt him to go again - perhaps to a different venue - and see how he finds things in 2011. There is nothing wrong with you checking the family finances. This would be a sensible thing for anyone to do. You should not feel guilty in doing this. In my experience, compulsive gamblers in recovery feel grateful that their partners do check the financial state of affairs.

It sounds like you need to get in touch with GamAnon - a twelve step fellowship for family members, friends and loved ones who have been adversely affected by someone elses gambling. Full details at <!-- m --><a class="postlink" href=""></a><!-- m --> if you are in the United Kingdom or <!-- m --><a class="postlink" href=""></a><!-- m --> if you are somewhere else in the world. Your partners attendance at GA is not required in order for you to attend GamAnon. At GamAnon you will find the help and support you are desperately seeking. You may have to make a journey, to attend a meeting, but it will be well worth the effort.

Hope this is of help.

'Poster' David

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