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How do I put things right?
Hi I'm Mike, I've been going to the meetings for a couple of months now and haven't gambled since July 1st so I feel like I'm recovering. The last couple of weeks I've started thinking about how I was and I've had a few major revelations. One of the things is that I used to steal to gamble. I worked in a small newsagents and I was paid half the minimum wage (I was only 15 at the time). I used this as an excuse really, I even managed to kid myself that it wasn't stealing, I was just making up my wages but I now know that was the gambling personality side of me. I started off on scratch cards, taking one or two each shift. It got silly. I was taking pound coins from the till drawer and hiding them then later when the shop owner was there I would take a scratch card and drop the pound coin back into the till so it looked like I had paid for it. I later worked in a pub, where I used to take pound coins from the till to put in the fruit machine at the end of my shift. Again, I had a little "excuse" that they were charging customers too much for the cordial, so I was charging 50p instead of £1 and pocketing the money as the cordial wasn't metered. I didn't do it at first because my wage was sufficient but as my habbit progressed I felt I needed more money to gamble. It did progress and it got to a stage where I was spending all of my univeristy grant and loans then being skint for a few months until the next came through. I also had a good job in the holidays but all of this would subsidise my gambling.

I'd left all of this at the back of my mind and hadn't really allowed myself to admit that it happened - not to myself or anybody else, but now that gambling is out of my life it's unexpectedly come to the forefront of my mind and I feel awful. The thing is, I never felt awful when I was doing it. I'm a good person, I'd never steal from anybody, yet I did and it never mattered then. Now I want to put things right, but the shop owners and the pub landlord has moved on. Any ideas?
Hey Mike,
Firstly well done since 1st of June keep it up day by day.

Like most compulsive gamblers I would say "I am a good man" I would never steal and yet I did. The thing is I can openly now admit to myself the wrongs of my former character and have taken steps like you are to being a better person in the future.

We can never make amends to all those who have suffered from our gambling, I cannot say sorry to the man I "borrowed" 50 pounds off one time, never to see again. I can never apologise to others that were improtant to me.

I can only sometimes continue to admit who I was and now who I am and ensure that "just for today" I will not be that person ever again.

So I should and could apologise to many many people.

Your honesty and schivalry is part of the programme but if they have left and moved on then you must just accept that and ensure you NEVER become that person again.

Take Care and best wishes for your future.


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