22-08-2011, 09:48 PM
Hi,
I am feeling very much alone at the moment and in need of expressing how I feel as a partner to a gambler. My partner has been a gambler most of his life. We have been together for 6 years and have a 2 year old child. We found a way to minimise the impact financially of his gambling, but after a year this system has now broken as he has run up a debt on his credit card through gambling. He point blank refuses to tell me how much the debt is. I am really stressed by it as the credit card charges a very high rate of interest (the only card he could get due to bad debts in the past - more gambling) so I know even if it is a 'small' amount it may quickly become very large. My partner says it is his problem and he will handle it. There is no way he can magically come up with additional funds to pay off the debt, and I know how hugely resentful I will feel if our household money has to go on paying off a debt he has let escalate. I tried to bring up the topic at the weekend and he became aggressive about it, saying that I wanted to sabotage the relationship, why did I have to bring this topic up? I am incredibly angry with him, and also angry with myself as I feel like I did not listen to my instinct in the early days and maybe I should have left him then. But now we have a child and my heart is breaking for my son as I do not see a way this situation can end well for us. I felt so desperate recently to talk to someone that I called the Samaritans and cried down the phone. I can;t tell my family as they would worry too much, plus I do not want them to resent my child's father. I finally told a few friends about this problem, which has helped a little bit. But basically I am upset. Thank you for this forum which has allowed me to express how I am feeling.
I am feeling very much alone at the moment and in need of expressing how I feel as a partner to a gambler. My partner has been a gambler most of his life. We have been together for 6 years and have a 2 year old child. We found a way to minimise the impact financially of his gambling, but after a year this system has now broken as he has run up a debt on his credit card through gambling. He point blank refuses to tell me how much the debt is. I am really stressed by it as the credit card charges a very high rate of interest (the only card he could get due to bad debts in the past - more gambling) so I know even if it is a 'small' amount it may quickly become very large. My partner says it is his problem and he will handle it. There is no way he can magically come up with additional funds to pay off the debt, and I know how hugely resentful I will feel if our household money has to go on paying off a debt he has let escalate. I tried to bring up the topic at the weekend and he became aggressive about it, saying that I wanted to sabotage the relationship, why did I have to bring this topic up? I am incredibly angry with him, and also angry with myself as I feel like I did not listen to my instinct in the early days and maybe I should have left him then. But now we have a child and my heart is breaking for my son as I do not see a way this situation can end well for us. I felt so desperate recently to talk to someone that I called the Samaritans and cried down the phone. I can;t tell my family as they would worry too much, plus I do not want them to resent my child's father. I finally told a few friends about this problem, which has helped a little bit. But basically I am upset. Thank you for this forum which has allowed me to express how I am feeling.