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Broken hearted partner
I am feeling very much alone at the moment and in need of expressing how I feel as a partner to a gambler. My partner has been a gambler most of his life. We have been together for 6 years and have a 2 year old child. We found a way to minimise the impact financially of his gambling, but after a year this system has now broken as he has run up a debt on his credit card through gambling. He point blank refuses to tell me how much the debt is. I am really stressed by it as the credit card charges a very high rate of interest (the only card he could get due to bad debts in the past - more gambling) so I know even if it is a 'small' amount it may quickly become very large. My partner says it is his problem and he will handle it. There is no way he can magically come up with additional funds to pay off the debt, and I know how hugely resentful I will feel if our household money has to go on paying off a debt he has let escalate. I tried to bring up the topic at the weekend and he became aggressive about it, saying that I wanted to sabotage the relationship, why did I have to bring this topic up? I am incredibly angry with him, and also angry with myself as I feel like I did not listen to my instinct in the early days and maybe I should have left him then. But now we have a child and my heart is breaking for my son as I do not see a way this situation can end well for us. I felt so desperate recently to talk to someone that I called the Samaritans and cried down the phone. I can;t tell my family as they would worry too much, plus I do not want them to resent my child's father. I finally told a few friends about this problem, which has helped a little bit. But basically I am upset. Thank you for this forum which has allowed me to express how I am feeling.
Hi struggleing,
Your partner shared the same trates as me when i was gambleing, it was always my problem and i would sort it.Unfortuannly for my partner i was the best liar in the world and manipulate money in a way that it would soon become my partners fault i gambled.I to would get aggresive vocally about it, blaming everyone else except myself, at this time i didnt have a problem or an addiction after all i was only having a bet.Unfortuanlly for my own sittuation my partner left me and took my kid with her, as u can imagine i hated her, but even then in the next few months after i had endless opputunities to make it better and see my kid but i chose to gamble more blaming my ex partner for this as "she" caused it !
It wasnt till i sought help from GA attended meets i suddendly realized i didnt hate my ex. she was only looking after herself and my daughters best intrests, after all theirs only so many pot noodles u can feed a kid ! I am now in recovery im taking each day at a time, i now see my daughter again , i get on with my ex. we had a long talk about my addiction and she understood, we will never get back together, but at least my daughter is happy and healthy, and i ask myself everyday if she had not had left would she be happy and healthy, my answer would be no, shamefully said.
Im not saying leave ur partner or stay with him ect only urself can decide this as every1's circumstances are different , just make sure you and your child are fincially safe, and can afford the little things like eating !

I wish you all the best in your choices you now have to make , the chat room here is always open if u require anymore help, read the other stories on the forums.

Im jay last bet 88 days ago.
From my point of view as a Compulsive Gambler in recovery your partner shows all the signs/symptons of being a compulsive gambler and is being very defensive about his addiction.
If you are going to stay with him you will need emotional help and a good starting point would be gamanon. Hope there is a meeting near you. You should be able to find the meetings on the above tabs, if not ring GA.
Protect yourself financially and make sure he has no access to your money. Unfortunately what your partner does to get money is out of your control and you need to take care of yourself and child.
Compulsive gamblers will go to any extent i.e. lies, steal and blame to enable them to keep gambling.
I hope you get the help YOU need.
GA member in recovery
I just want to say thank you for your kind replies, and for reading my post in the first place. Admitting to myself and now to others that my partner's gambling has been a big - and positive - step. I am so glad I found this site. Initially I was so devastated to learn that there is no "cure" for this addiction, but from the reading I have done I am starting to see it as an illness and this helps me to feel some compassion for my partner. If I don't then I am just consumed by the pain and by anger which are not good things to carry around inside. We have not discussed the issue of money recently but I have done everything I can think of to protect myself and our son financially, so that is another important step. I have also come to realise that I cannot control my partner's behaviour, and focusing all my energy on doing so is futile and exhausting. I guess I just have to let him go down whatever route he is following at the moment. This is so much easier to say than do, and I do wake in the night feeling full of panic, because I think this route will involve pain for us all, but maybe I have to let him get to rock bottom, and who knows maybe then there will be something positive out of all that pain. I don;t know if that makes any sense. Anyway, in the meantime I am thinking of going to a gamanon meeting. I'm not ready for that now, but it is good to know it is out there.
I wish you all much strength. Thank you.
Hi I am new to this site, and was searching for a similar story to mine and yours sounds similar.
For years my partner has been a gambler and every time he blows money things have got steadily worse. we are now under debt management under the condition that if we get into more debt that they will not help us.
Our budget is so tight we have a very small social budget for a family of four per month.
My partner has just waisted money which does not seem much but when you have as little as we have it is huge!
Its the deciet that kills me, the feeling of dread when i realise he has managed to find a way to do it again dispite my vigilance in holding the household money and not giving him access to my account. I feel a mug and have stopped talking about my partner to friends because the pain is written all over my face and I dont want to give anything away.
He has dabbled in GA and we even had the oppertunity for free specialist councelling but there has been no real commtment.
We are facing bankruptsy and I am afraid this small blow will put us out with our debt management people.
I decided a while back that i could not cope with the debt collectors anymore and the only way was to ask an outside agency to help. my bottom line was if that fails then he will have to go. what scares me is that my bottom line keeps changing. when is it right to leave, is it right at all, am I a mug to stay or the loyal loving partner. its very lonely and confusing. sadly there is no gamanon here and i cant afford to travel. i hope your partner faces this with real committment otherwise it is a long lonely road. All good wishes go with you x
Dear Broken Hearted,

I am new to this site. I read your story and want you to know i felt compelled to tell you that you are not alone. My husband has been gambling for a good 12 yrs of our marriage of which i know. I am sick to my stomach that i am going down this road for the 5 th time. If it wasnt sports betting it was the horses, then fantasy football then the horses. My debt is insane. I cant even breathe every month. The lies and deceit is unimaginable and still blows my mind away. We begin to think "were have we been". Just recenctly after i caught him stealing from our account once again after not being responsible for our mortgage he left for the weekend knowing that i had enough. After her was gone for a weekend i began to see soo much clarity of my life - the endless cycle that keeps repeating over and over again!!!! The vacation trips that were ruined...The deceitfullness and lies that they tell you and look you in the eyes!!! They become mean and vicious and the reason is because they are projecting how they feel about themselves to you>> YOU ARE THE VICTIM!!!!!!!!!! I am still struggling --he is still here and i hate my life right now.. I am sick to my stomach. I have 3 kids and they have been the glue for soo long. Right know i go day by day is all i can say and i continue to pray. Today i saw a private counselor which was a step in the right direction for me - because remember you have to take care of YOU and your children. Please know you are not alone and that this is the first time i have ever opened up. I wanted to support you. Good luck!!!

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